Come to Think of It...More Joey Porter Prognostications

Prognosti-what?! Listen, brah, I don't know what ya'll talkin' 'bout here, but I done told ya'll!  Man, nobody listens to the man when he speaks, but they will now. Didn't I tell ya'll we was gonna beat New England's a-- on Sunday?

And didn't I tell ya'll that punk Matt Cassell was no Tom Brady? I throwed his a-- down three times my own self. Now that's walkin' the talk, brah!

It tickles me that now every moutha wants to know what my predictions be. This punk Bob Warja asked me to give it up, and I'm feelin' in a charitable mood, so what the hell. You want more? Come get more!

1. Now that we throwed the kitchen sink at the Patriots, we was preparing to throw the bathtub this week. But they say we got some kind of "buy" week, so I'm just gonna predict that my girlfriend is going shopping for some bling. That woman can spend like there's no tomorrow.

2. Our next game is against San Diego. No, really, man, that's my prediction. What?

3. I'm picking my man Barack to win the presidential election over that old moutha, what's-his-name?  Now that he's named himself Ocho-Cinco, they can't be no more hangin' Chads to worry about!

4. I think that PC gonna beat down that Mac. That Bill Gates gonna be big someday, brah. I hear that Facebook and MySpace gonna merge and the new app gonna be called MyFace. You will invite people to join by asking them to "Sit On MyFace."

5. Those Al Quaeda dudes will soon discover that the United States has weapons of mass destruction. They're called the Miami Dolphins!

6. Following the lead of another great Packers QB, Bart Starr will announce he is coming out of retirement.

7. In a desperate move, the Patriots will sign Ashley Manning, wife of Peyton, to QB the team.

8. The Houston Astros will blame their series against the Cubs in Milwaukee as the reason for high gas prices.

9. Man, I don't care what no Al Gore says—I still think global warming is a myth, just like Elves, gremlins and Eskimos.

10. The Miami Dolphins will win the Super Bowl...in a close contest over the Chicago Cubs.

Come to think of it, this predictin' is hard, man. Especially when it's about the future! I'm oughta here.