New Orleans Saints: 5 Reasons Why I'd Trade Reggie Bush For a Churro
I'm hungry.
Also, I hate Reggie Bush.
Why one makes me think of the other, I'll never know. I mean, it's not as if they have anything in common.
One is a delicious fried-doughed pastry that is sure to delight. The other, is a (delicious?) juke-heavy player that is sure to disappoint.
Having trouble guessing which one is which?
Then you should probably go back to school.
Not that I actually have Reggie Bush in my possession to trade, here are the top 5 reasons I'd rather have a churro than Reggie Bush.
1. I Could Get More Use Out Of It
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I don't know if you've ever been hit by a churro, but it hurts.
When used as a weapon, the churro can bring down even the largest of foe. For maximum pain, I suggest you buy one from the shadiest vendor possible; this will ensure that it's petrified and inedible, thus making it more lethal.
Plus, it doubles up as a light-saber if you're bored.
You could always eat it too.
Reggie Bush, on the other hand, I can neither eat or get use from.
I can't even send him to get me a churro; he'd probably get lost due to the juking and spinning, despite my telling him the store's STRAIGHT down the street.
Fun fact: I once had a friend tell me that Bush's main contribution comes as a decoy, though I find that hard to believe considering he's always standing on the sideline next to Sean Payton.
Churro: 1
Bush: 0
2. It's a Straight Shooter
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The churro goes in a straight line.
The Reggie Bush does not.
As was previously alluded, Reggie Bush has trouble hitting the hole. Despite being in the league now for 5 seasons, Bush continues to have trouble understanding that the hole his offensive linemen create is for going THROUGH, not AROUND.
Rest assured that if the Churro got the start, it'd have 100 yards by half-time.
Fun fact: In Spanish lore, it is said that a man once ran 100 yards to the bathroom in just 3 seconds after eating a bad churro.
Churro: 2
Bush: 0
3. It Is Consistent
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The churro has been a Spanish delicacy for hundreds of years, and it continues to satisfy on a number of levels and in various venues.
Whether at a fair, circus, amusement park, birthday party, or sporting event, the churro doesn't miss a beat, bringing its A-game time and time again.
The same can't be said for Bush.
After having a decent rookie season, he seems to have regressed. His rushing yards have dropped every year since 2008, as has his place on the depth chart.
Some claim he's a dangerous punt returner, though that seems to be largely myth. With the exception of 2008, when he had 3 punts returned for TD's, he has only one such TD in his four other seasons.
That's not exactly dangerous.
Also, he only rushed for 25 yards in the Super Bowl and had no TD's.
However, it's entirely possible that was his A-game.
Fun fact: Bush has never broken 1000 yards at RB. Only twice has he rushed over 500 yards, and never over 600.
Churro: 3
Bush: 0
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4. It Knows What It Is; Bush Does Not
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Bush doesn't know who he is.
Neither does his coach.
Is he a RB? A slot-receiver? A punt-returner?
Despite his being so "explosive," Bush has yet to explode on anybody. It seems most continue to think he's still at USC, because they certainly can't be referring to his NFL career.
Once, I considered compiling his top 5 NFL plays, but couldn't find that many.
Now, the churro?
You can dedicate a slide to each crunchy bite.
Fun Fact: Did you know that in Spain there are two types of churro? Neither of which I care to explain.
Churro: 4
Bush: 0
5. You Get More Bang For Your Buck
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Churros are cheap.
Except at amusement parks.
Depending on size, the churro typically runs about $3. Sometimes they're cheaper; I know I got one for 2.50 this last week in San Francisco. Of course, you could always make your own, which is always more fun.
Reggie Bush is not cheap.
The Saints paid him $51 million too much, and are currently having buyers remorse. They say if you listen closely, you can actually hear the sound of Bush's conscious arguing with itself, because it too feels bad about taking the Saints money.
Go ahead. Take a listen.
Fun fact: Did you know scientists believe Bush jukes so much because he has Restless Leg Syndrome, otherwise known as, "The Jimmy Legs?"
Churro: 5
Bush: 0
Conclusion
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Let's face it; this really wasn't much of a fight.
The churro is, and always was, superior to Bush in every conceivable way. If Saints owner Tom Benson could go back in time, I'm sure he would have passed on Bush on his way to the vendor, where he would then buy a delicious churro.
And I'd be more than happy to join him.
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