Super Bowl XLV: Power Ranking the Can't Miss Parties in Dallas This Week

Super Bowl XLV is just like any Super Bowl. There will be a mass of millions surrounding the streets of Dallas. The Super Bowl will be foremost on their minds. But a vacation type atmosphere is clearly second.

This is the equivalent of Spring Break for NFL nerds. The amount of parties to sneak your way into is insane. So here is a list of the hottest spots that need to be taken advantage of. From the most lame to the party that will ensure a bevy of blackouts, I have your list.

But please, do your civic duty and tell Packers and Steelers players to leave the festivities to the us citizens. I heard they have a fairly big game coming up.

So take off that large Clay Matthews jersey and lace up your dancing shoes. The Super Bowl party has begun.

20. Anti-Pornography Party

Andy Lyons/Getty Images

CHICAGO, IL - JANUARY 16: Quarterback Matt Hasselbeck #8 of the Seattle Seahawks looks to pass against the Chicago Bears in the 2011 NFC divisional playoff game at Soldier Field on January 16, 2011 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images

Matt Hasselbeck and Jon Kitna have a cause. No, it isn't saving a rain forest or even nursing a stray cat back to health. They have decided to stop the pornography that has run rampant on the Internet. You know the situation that no one, not even Tim Tebow is up in arms about.

This party only made the list for its hilarity. So, you find yourself in a fiesta filled Dallas and have nothing to do, why not spend some time at the no-fun party? I hear two mediocre NFL players are going to make an appearance.

I have a feeling that the night's events will be relegated to a dinner for two with a Bible study to follow. Sure porn is an issue. It takes viable readers away from reading the grand ideas I expound on this website. I imagine after reading this 80 percent of you will think to yourselves, "Damn, I forgot to look at some porn today."

19. Super Tuesday W/Miles Austin: Tuesday

Zouk Night Club
General Admission $50-$100
VIP $100-$300

The festivities kick off tonight at Zouk. The club will be pumping out the music. The club will be coming down from the Lil' Jon appearance Monday night.

Now you can say you finally went to see a concert featuring one of the greatest hype men in the business. If I were you, I would over order on the drinks. Then tell yourself in the morning that you had a sweet time. It sounds like every Sunday morning for me.

No Lil' Jon, crunk ain't dead. But music died a long time ago.

18. LaDainian Tomlinson’s Purple Reign: Wednesday

Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - JANUARY 08: LaDainian Tomlinson #21 of the New York Jets runs the ball against the Indianapolis Colts during their 2011 AFC wild card playoff game at Lucas Oil Stadium on January 8, 2011 in Indianapolis, Indiana. The Jets won 17-16. (P

Cool River Cafe
General Admission $200
VIP $350
VIP Table $5,000

Why not use that hard-earned cash for a good cause. LT will celebrate the TCU victory at the Rose Bowl while also giving to charity.

The proceeds will go to fighting childhood obesity. That is something very near and dear to my heart. I may be able to get up and down stairs without a water break if my parents would have mixed in a carrot or two at dinner.

This is a celebrity event. There is no word on who will show up. So fingers crossed it is more Brad Pitt than Larry the Cable Guy.

17. Angels & Aces Salute to the Troops With Gene Simmons: Wednesday

Fair Park (Centennial Hall)
General Admission $475
Private VIP table $6,000
VIP Cabana $9,999

Want to see Gene Simmons unveil his new bike? Me neither, but he will do just that at this festive occasion. There will be a live concert and a large amount of celebrities.

You can also get your gamble on. There will be a good portion of NFL stars and poker players in attendance. Phil Hellmuth will be there. I will go ahead and warn you not to call him white trash. He hates that.

16. Deion Sanders Welcome to Dallas Party: Thursday

Zouk Night Club
General Admission $50-$100
VIP $100-$300

Zouk seems like the happening place to get your freak on during Super Bowl week. Thursday night is no exception.

Deion Sanders will welcome celebs and athletes to the party, including Jamie Foxx and Evelyn Lozada. Now you can meet Evelyn in person and see what all the fuss is about. If it is anything like her pictures, this is a must-attend event.

15. The Event Featuring Prince: Friday

Reunion Arena
General admission $1,500
VIP Nest $2,000 (must purchase 6 tickets to have the whole nest)
VIP Table $2,500 (must purchase 10 tickets to have the whole table)

I had to include this party for one fact, the cost. There just has to be something amazing that is about to occur to warrant dropping that much money to see a pop star whose last hit coincided with an all new episode of Saved By the Bell.

If you go to this thing and leave with the thought that it was money well spent, I want to hear the story. Did Prince play a five-on-five basketball game like he did on the Chappelle Show? Even then. I would only pay $750 to see that.

14. Super Bowl Soiree W/Adrian Peterson: Wednesday

Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

MINNEAPOLIS - NOVEMBER 07: Running back Adrian Peterson #28 of the Minnesota Vikings celebrates after his four yard touchdown run brought the Vikings within a touchdown of the Arizona Cardinals in the fourth quarter at Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome on Nov

Hotel Zaza
General Admission $200
VIP $400
VIP Table $4,000

This is an official Super Bowl kick-off party. It is being touted as a night under the stars. You will be poolside with NFL players and celebs.

If ever there was a place to meet some beautiful people, this would be it. This is sure to be the sophisticated choice in a plethora of options.

Why not get drunk and act a fool in style?

13. Leather & Laces With Nicole Scherzinger & Kevin Dillon: Friday

Hotel ZaZa
General Admission $450
VIP $850

The title alone should sell you. The place will be blasting with leather and laces. What? You wanted chips and guacamole?

I am not quite sure $450 is the going rate to bump elbows with Johnny Drama. Nicole Scherzinger is a whole other animal indeed. 

12. Super Bash With Pamela Anderson: Friday

Fashion Industry Gallery (FIG)
General Admission $250 / $400 at door
VIP $500 / $700 at door

So Pamela Anderson doesn't do it for you anymore. Well you must be a blind monkey with no access to the Internet then.

But if this is the case, you may be enticed when you hear there will be Playmates at the party. Of, great now you want to go. Well, too late you had your chance. You may be more comfortable in your hotel room watching re-runs of Everybody Loves Raymond.

11. T.O. Welcome to Dallas Party: Friday

Skye Bar
General Admission $60
VIP $100
Reserved $1,500

There is not much information out there for this event, but I am already sold. I just have this strong belief that T.O. knows how to throw it down. I can't imagine him being at a lame party.

This is strong belief that it is my new religion. I also believe that the Patriots would cruise to the Super Bowl. So, my gut has been wrong before.

10. Set Miami Party: Friday

Aura Night Club
General Admission starting at $100
VIP (Lamborghini lounge) $275
Table Packages $1,700-$10,000

If you find yourself thinking, "Man, this Super Bowl would be awesome if it weren't in Dallas." You may not be alone. One of the premier night clubs in Miami has what ails you.

The night will include two tents and Playmate DJ's laying it down. Now the only question is how to make yourself look like a Jersey Shore cast member in order to gain entry.

9. X’s & O’s 2 With Nikki Ziering: Saturday

Aura Night Club
General Admission starting at $100
VIP (Lamborghini lounge) $275
Table Packages $1,700-$10,000

In case you have not been paying attention. The keys to a good party are women and booze. A great party combines these two elements in a very loud setting where conversations are kept to a minimum.

This is what you will find with Super Bowl Eve at the Aura Night Club. There won't be any awkward ice breaker moments. Thanks in large part to the loud as hell music that will be blaring.

A date with no talking, dare I dream?

8. Vibe Magazine Players Gala: Sunday

Zouk Night Club
General Admission $50-$100
VIP $100-$300

Need a place to wet your whistle after celebrating a victory? Perhaps you need to drown your sorrows in alcohol after defeat. What ever the scenario, you will find nothing but a great time at Zouk.

The club has been going off all week and this is their final blowout. The host will be none other than Chris Brown. I would try to stay out of slapping range though.

7. Style Icon Super Bowl Weekend with Sofia Vergara: Saturday

Crescent Hotel
Tickets range from $500-$1250
10 p.m. - 2 a.m.

If you need any other incentive to go to his soiree other than the stars that will be there, it would be this picture.

It is a formal affair and Sofia will be wearing a dress. This my friends is what she looks like in one of those. So pick up your jaws and reserve some tickets.

6. Rick Ross & Nikki Minaj Super Bowl Party: Saturday

Main Street Events Center - Dallas
General Admission $150
"First Down" Package $225
Table seating $2,500
VIP Tables $15,000

The heart of downtown Dallas is set to go off on Saturday. The music and liquor will be flowing like mad. This is one event that is sure to ring in the Super Bowl party the right way.

No glitz or glamour, it will be just good old-fashioned fun. With a ton of people I am sure. You may want to pre-game on this one. I have a feeling space near the bar will be limited. You know what? Just tell me who this went. I will live vicariously through you.

5. X’s & O’s Watch Party: Sunday

Michael Buckner/Getty Images

PHOENIX - JANUARY 31: Fans dance to rapper Ludacris during the 'Best Damn Super Bowl Party Period' at the Rockridge Estate on January 31, 2008 in Phoenix, Arizona. (Photo by Michael Buckner/Getty Images for HollyRod Foundation)

Aura Night Club
General Admission starting at $100
VIP (Lamborghini lounge) $275
Table Packages $1,700-$10,000

The celebrities and players will be split for appearances between a select number of post-Super Bowl festivities.

This event promises to be one of the bigger draws. But I do have to say, the cost on all of these parties has me thinking that the recession was all a hoax.

Who is paying $275 to rub elbows with celebs like Roger Staubach? Not me, that's who.

4. Diddy’s Super Bowl Bash: Thursday

Main Street Events Center - Dallas
General Admission $150
"First Down" Package $225
Table seating $2,500
VIP Tables $15,000

Perhaps hot women and thumping beats are more your scene. Head on over to P. Diddy's soiree. The guest DJ will be none other than Jermaine Dupri.

No flip flops for this one, it is strictly dress to impress time. That means you can leave your Steelers uniform at the door. Don't worry. You have two more days to prove your fanaticism elsewhere.

3. Primetime Hall of Fame Night With Deion Sanders and Snoop Dogg: Saturday

Zouk Night Club
General Admission $50-$100
VIP $100-$300

Saturday offers a great many parties to choose from. Why not take a chance that one of the all-time great hip hop artists plays his hits?

There are more than a couple of his songs that get women to the dance floor. When the go, you follow my friend. You shut your mouth and follow.

2. X’s O’s Party with Playboy Playmates: Thursday

Aura Night Club
General Admission starting at $100
VIP (Lamborghini lounge) $275
Table Packages $1,700-$10,000

If you do one thing in life, please make it going to this party. Partying with Playmates should be No. 1 on any bucket list. Forget that, it should be No. 1 on any list period, even your grocery list. Ah, it says here I need milk, eggs and to party on down with gorgeous females.

Security may be tight. That means anyone who looks like me may not get in. Apologies to Luis Sojo and former big league pitcher Rich Garces.

1. Post Game Afterparty with Usher: Sunday

Blackfinn in Addison
4440 Belt Line Road
VIP Tickets $250 (presale)/$500
Tables $4,000-$10,000

If you are wondering where all the A-listers are headed after the game, it would be here. This is the official Super Bowl after party.

Get your Flip camera out and start shooting. This will be a star-studded event you won't forget, unless of course you are extremely inebriated. In that case, you better hold on to your $250.