Quick Snaps: NFL Divisional Playoff Funny

My Falcons are done!  Ouchie.  The mysterious bird deaths continue:  Falcons, Ravens, Seahawks...

An Atlanta friend said it happens three times every year: Falcons, Hawks, and Thrashers.

Atlanta hasn’t been this embarrassed at home since Sherman.

It's sad when Atlanta’s real housewives are fighting harder than the Falcons D.

The last time dirty birds were involved in this much of a disaster, BP paid to clean it up. 

Matt Ryan had a tough game.  Now we know why they call him Matty Ice.  Against a great defense, he freezes like a deer in the headlights.

This Way to Chicago

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ATLANTA, GA - JANUARY 15: Aaron Rodgers #12 of the Green Bay Packers reacts after he threw a 7-yard touchdown to John Kuhn #30 in the third quarter against the Atlanta Falcons during their 2011 NFC divisional playoff game at Georgia Dome on January 15, 2

Aaron Rogers had the best playoff game of any Packer in history.  Apparently "Mister Roger’s Neighborhood" is the Falcons’ end zone.

The Packers scored four touchdowns in the second quarter. They had a better second quarter than Goldman Sachs.

Things Two Dumb Guys Might Do?

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PITTSBURGH, PA - JANUARY 15: Fans cheer during the AFC Divisional Playoff Game between the Baltimore Ravens and the Pittsburgh Steelers at Heinz Field on January 15, 2011 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)

Steelers/Ravens game was rough.  More big hits than on Willie Nelson's tour bus... 

Ravens wideouts just couldn’t seem to hang on to the ball.  They dropped more balls than puberty. 

One analyst described this game as "caveman football".  Which is football as it was when Joe Paterno played. 

Heinz Field is on its third grass surface this season.  Do they make ketchup or Rogaine?

Hey Seahwaks, Time To Migrate to the Offseason

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CHICAGO, IL - JANUARY 16: Quarterback Jay Cutler #6 of the Chicago Bears throws the ball in the second quarter against the Seattle Seahawks in the 2011 NFC divisional playoff game at Soldier Field on January 16, 2011 in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Jona

The Bears won handily.  The score was like an object in a side mirror: it appeared closer than it really was.

The Seahawks collapsed so fast Jesse Ventura thinks it was an inside job.

The secondary had more mental breakdowns than Gary Busey. 

Love to see Hasselbeck sacked.  But I was hoping it’d be Elizabeth.

The Seahawks found themselves in a deep hole early.  Like dating Lisa Lampanelli. 

Patriots Taste De-Feet

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FOXBORO, MA - JANUARY 16: New England Patriots fans hold up a signs prior to their 2011 AFC divisional playoff game against the New York Jets at Gillette Stadium on January 16, 2011 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

The line in the Jets/Patriots game was 9.  Not the spread; the over/under on Wes Welker foot references.

Wes Welker was benched for the first series for doing jokes?  That’s why I never played football: too many good jokes.  OK, that, and no athletic ability.

LaDanian Tomlinson said that wives are off-limits.  Welker said he won’t touch Ryan’s wife with a 10 foot pole.

I Am a Little Teapot...

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FOXBORO, MA - JANUARY 16: Braylon Edwards #17 and Santonio Holmes #10 of the New York Jets celebrate on their way to defeating the New England Patriots 28 to 21 victory over the New England Patriots during their 2011 AFC divisional playoff game at Gillet

The Jets looked good!  Mark Sanchez had more time in the pocket than my high school condom.

The Jets really won by running.  Which is the same way I handled fights in high school.  A condom protects you, but not from beat downs.

Darrell Revis is like Randy Moss.  Quarterbacks don’t throw the ball toward either them at all.

Rex Ryan said it was the biggest Jets win since Super Bowl III.  Which is the last time anybody saw Joe Namath sober.

Costaki Economopoulos and contributor Tom Simmons are both tremendous stand up comics. Check them out.