How Roger Goodell Killed the Touchdown Dance--and the Rise of the Sack Dance

Your probably pretty content with the NFL right now. Sittin’ back, and ready for week 2. What you don’t know in is that you have  been assimilated by Roger Goodell. Forgotten by some, a mere three years ago the greatest spectacle in the league was the Touchdown Dance. We had guys making cell phone calls, stealing pom pom’s, hiding props, and choreographing dances. You would tune in to games just because you knew Chad Johnson would score and he would pull something even more ludicrous than last week.

      Well this bliss soon met its fate, as Goodell decided at some point that touchdown dances were the greatest threat to the integrity of his sacred game. He started to levy fines by the thousands of dollars to players who dared celebrate their score. However, players like Ocho Cinco and Joe Horn just kept on ticking. I mean what was 5 grand here and there?

      That’s when Goodell got serious. Five grand turned into 50 and a suspension. That got the player’s attention. TD dances slowly died without so much as a word of protest from around the league. These days we are lucky to get so much as a high five in the endzone and the rule book on illegal dance policy is as thick as a two by four. However, true to their rebellious nature, NFL players have a new brainchild to whet our celebration appetite. This is the sack dance. It comes in many forms, the “Lights out” , “The wet J” and even the “Gator chomp” has made an appearance

In case you haven’t caught a sack dance here’s what its all about. A 300 pound man brings a quarterback’s face into the turf so hard he can taste the back of his throat. Then, said man leaps to his feat and runs as fast as his moaning legs will take him about 20 or so yards away from the rest of his team. He then proceeds to put on a spectacle that some would call a “dance” where he rips and heaves his body so hard in all directions you can almost see the hammys tearing. Then a few of his buddies come over and attempt to give him hemet pats–which he avoids to try and get some recognition from the side of the stadium that unfortunately had to view his backside during his performance. I’m sure that if you have seen any NFL game anytime recently you have seen this unfold exactly as described.

Is this the trade the fans get? Pom-Poms for taped hands? Joe’s cell phone for Merriman’s light switch? TO’s slam dunk for Kiwanuka’s Jump shots? While we like the “creativity” we are getting tired of watching these belly swinging backfield demonstrations. Maybe they get the crowd pumped up, but they look flat out ridiculous and turn beefy men into drama queens.

Make the sack…High five the guy who set you up…get back in the three point.

 I’m callin tradebacks Roger Goodell, because we deserve better than this