The Diamond-Covered Titanium Steel Airtight Locks of the SEC

Ever have trouble trying to think of a title?

No? OK, moving on...

Every year, when the college season is in its embryo stage, we all do it.

Predictions.

We love to do it.  Why?

Because we have just as good of a shot as anyone else, that’s why.  Guys who wear suits and sit in front of cameras or journalistic veterans who get paid for their opinions in print are probably getting these predictions right at the same clip as some of us.

This is what makes sports great.  In what other pastime do we spend as much time talking about something while waiting for it to happen?

There aren’t scrapbooking fantasy leagues or landscape photography pick’em contests, are there?

Might I remind everyone that the entire ESPN GameDay Crew picked Ohio State to beat LSU in last season’s BCS Final?

Did any of these guys lose their jobs because of failure to perform?  Of course they didn’t.

If there’s no harm in it for them, there’s certainly no harm in it for us.

So allow me to present my SEC locks for this season.  There are 12 games, one for each team in the SEC, and there’s a twist: I can’t pick the same losing team twice.  Meaning I can’t pick LSU losing to Florida and South Carolina as a lock—I can only pick LSU as a loser once.

On top of this, I actually tried to pick competitive games or even some mild upsets.  We all know UGA is going to destroy Central Michigan, so no need to have picks like that on here.

Finally, I am able to include non-conference opponents as the losing team, but they have to be decent non-conference opponents.

So here we go.  I know I’m on a limb with some of these, while some you might say are gimmes, but I’m trying to stay within my self-imposed format and not make easy picks.

SEC East

Florida will beat LSU

The Tigers have many tough tests this year and may have a few rock 'em, sock 'em battles with Auburn, Alabama, Georgia, etc.  But the Tigers will fall in Gainesville—mark this down!

Even though LSU has a week off prior and Florida has to travel to Arkansas, the Gators will remember how much this game stung last year in Death Valley, and Tim Tebow will carry these guys to victory.

Georgia will beat Arizona State

Many pundits point to this being one of the best out-of-conference matchups in the country save for the Trojans and Buckeyes.

It won’t be.

The Sun Devils will be outmuscled at the line of scrimmage, and that will be the determining factor.  You thought I was going to say SEC speed, didn’t you?

Kentucky will beat Louisville

Cut me a little slack here.  There aren’t many games I think the Wildcats will pull off this year, so going into Louisville and winning the Commonwealth Cup could be a tough task for UK.

The Cats can potentially be 4-0 by the time they meet the Crimson Tide in October.  That’s when I think their luck starts to change.

South Carolina will beat Tennessee

While I really think South Carolina will give LSU a run for their money (and possibly UGA too), the Vols will be coming off the “Third Saturday in October,” and Spurrier will use the off week prior to rest up his guys.  This will surprisingly be one of the best games of the season, and we all know how much Darth Visor likes to beat the Volunteers.

Vanderbilt will beat South Carolina

The Cocks look ahead to hosting Georgia and forget to take care of business.  Vanderbilt is good for one of these a year.  They’ll get it out of the way early against Carolina in an U-G-L-Y game.

SEC West

Alabama will beat Auburn

I can’t explain some of these picks, I just can’t.  Some games you can’t explain ahead of time, like the guy who predicted the Giants would beat the Patriots.  It’s just a gut feeling I have that I can’t shake.  John Parker Wilson gets to go out a hero after an inconsistent season.

The streak stops at six, and the SEC West ends in a three-way tie.

Arkansas will beat Kentucky

Wins won’t be plentiful in Fayetteville this season, so consider it an upset when the Razorbacks travel to Lexington and pull out a win.

Kentucky has the Hogs sandwiched between South Carolina and Florida.  Mmmmmm... sandwiches...

Auburn will beat West Virginia

Auburn has two weeks (well, almost) to prepare for the blur better known as Noel Devine.  Auburn won’t be favored, and it’ll be close, but I like the Plainsmen by a field goal in a wacky one.

LSU will beat Georgia

I have the Tigers losing three, maybe four games, but not this one.  With Florida looming for the Bulldogs, UGA trades punches with LSU reminiscent of the LSU-Florida game of a year ago.  With both teams barely standing, LSU takes a squeaker, sending the Dawgs hobbling into Jacksonville.

Ole Miss will beat Mississippi State

The Egg Bowl returns to Oxford, and while Croom and company may already be sitting on seven wins (or maybe not), Nutt’s Rebs get the last laugh and clinch a bowl game as well.

Mississippi State will beat Georgia Tech

The Bulldogs travel to Atlanta to take on Paul Johnson and the triple option.  Sly and the boys bounce back after a loss to Auburn and beat the Jackets handily, even though the score might be closer than the actual game.

Every year the SEC is wild, and this year shouldn’t be any different.  If I go 0-12, fear not: Nothing happens to the talking heads when they get it wrong.

In fact, they get to prognosticate every week from September to January, so if I do go 0-12, can I be on ESPN?

No?  Oh well.

I left many notable SEC contests off my list.  Feel free to tell me your lock or what you think of mine.