NFL, Union Agree to Add Music Festival, Slip 'N Slide Match to 2011 Season (Satire)

Roger Goodell, the commissioner of the NFL, has negotiated specific terms with the NFL Players Association.  Since the union would not agree to Goodell’s proposed 18 regular-season games, the two parties have agreed to add two new competitions to the regular season.  The NFL season, starting in 2011, will include 16 regular-season games, one NFL Players Music and Arts Festival and one NFL Slip 'N Slide Competition.  The festival will take place in Week 7, and the Slip 'N Slide Competition will be held in Week 14 of the regular season. 

From his Manhattan office, Goodell spoke to reporters.  “Our viewers are searching for some more fun and excitement.  That is what they want.  I think that’s perfectly normal.  These new competitions will give something for people to look forward to.  It will also require our players to focus their talents on something other than football.  Should be interesting to see,”  Goodell said, with a big smile.

The 1985 Chicago Bears will highlight the NFL Players Music and Arts Festival with a feature performance of the “Superbowl Shuffle.”  There are also plans in the works for players to display items such as NFL-inspired finger paintings and papier-mâché footballs.  “Each fan at the event will also have an opportunity to meet and take pictures with the players,” Goodell explained. "The NFL Players Music and Arts Festival and the NFL Players Slip 'N Slide Competition will give people hope about their future.  Like good times are right around the bend.”

The Slip 'N Slide event will be sponsored by Pizza Hut.  There will be 5,000 Slip 'N Slides and Slip 'N Slide-related products available at the event for on-site entertainment.  The products will also be available for purchase.

“In order to ensure that players stay focused throughout the entire season, the team that sells the most artistic items or is voted by the fans as the best Slip 'N Sliders will be awarded home field advantage throughout the playoffs,” Goodell said