Miami Heat Super-Friends Will Impose Totalitarian Rule on The NBA and The USA
The Miami Heat created a sensational stir this summer, and quite possibly the biggest off season hullabaloo in NBA history.ย Thatโs the old news.ย The new news will be something entirely different, and will be continuously spoon fed to NBA fans from the dawn of the Heatโs season to well beyond its end.ย
We will learn about the progression of the Miami Heatโs season from the media, or by watching live games ourselves.ย ย We will discover how they steamroll over the competition by breaking the Bulls single season game record of 72 wins, and getting as close to a perfect season as superhumanly possible.ย
For an encore, the Heat will sprint through the playoffs by sweeping every team in sight, including the Lakers in the final.ย Miami Heat fans will celebrate their teamโs championship victory every night of every day, and all summer long with the same intensity of a New Years Eve bash.ย Like clockwork, Miami fans will party in this fashion night after night, and season after seasonโฆ six, seven, eight years in a row.ย This of course will be as a result of Jamesโ prediction coming true, as the Heat win six, seven, eight championships in a row.
โThe new orderโ of players from Chicago, Oklahoma and Portland will become โthe new old order.โย ย Battered and bruised ballers like Rose, Durant, Melo, and DeRosan will be playing with crutches, and fighting to the very end for their very lives.ย They fought gallantly to the brink of annihilation at first for their cities, and then for their country.ย All of this in the vein attempt to stop the Miami Heat from establishing totalitarian rule across the NBA and the USA.ย
They lost the impossible war.ย They had sling shots to the enemyโs bazookas.ย Finally succumbing to their war related injuries, these once young stars will reluctantly raise the white flag.ย Their fans will construct makeshift tents, as each city begins to look like another rerun of the battle zone sitcom, Mash.ย
Annual chronic hospital patient, Greg Oden will be happy because he wonโt feel left out any more.
The Black Mamba, Kobe Bryant will find a rock to hide under, never to be seen from againโฆ except for ย the occasional โElvis like sightingsโ from people claiming to see a snake biting beautiful teenage blondes in Colorado.ย ย
Shaq, Garnett, Allen, and Pierce will be pinching sexy young nurses (blondes, brunettes, and red heads) at an exclusive old folkโs homeโฆ before The Big Shamrock insults his Celtic brothers and kicks them out on the street.
What will become of our three super-friends?
Dwayne Wade will become Americaโs new charismatic president under the new totalitarian order.
Chris Bosh will have his legs surgically amputated at the knees so that he can finally bend over and kiss his girlfriend, only to find out that kissing girls is highly overrated and not at all pleasant.ย Thatโs when the โRupaul of Big Menโ will make โthe decisionโ to take his talents to San Francisco.ย ย ย
The king himself will have completed his amazing transformation into Santa Clause by truly becoming the chosen one. ย ย By reviewing his list and excluding those that have taken shots at him, Santa โBron will ride in his sleigh over south Florida each and every day.ย
Miami fans will hang their stockings by the chimney with careโฆ in the hopes that St. โBron soon will be there.ย
โฆ And if you believe this, you must not only be on freshly imported, and extremely hard South American drugs, but you must also be a Miami Heat fan.
If you liked this article, you might also want to read my more serious article, "Miami Heat Fish Market: Chris Bosh, Dwayne Wade, Lebron James Title Devaluation"
