Reggie Bush Forfeits Heisman: Obama, Democrats Blame George Bush (Satire)

Reggie Bush has decided to forfeit the Heisman Trophy awarded to him in 2005, ending speculation regarding whether the award should be stripped following an NCAA investigation that showed he was ineligible to play.

The University of Southern California has already sent the replica of the award they had displayed on campus back to the Heisman Foundation and stricken Bush's award from their record books.

The school is currently appealing numerous penalties assessed by the NCAA for the rules infractions.

While this is a sad ending to a chapter of college football history that most involved now want to put behind them, members of Congress and the administration were quick to speak out and distance themselves from the controversy.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi issued a statement informing her constituents that, though she didn't really know what a Heisman trophy was, she felt you had to vote for the Heisman Award to understand it.

She also promised she would spare the taxpayers no expense to get to the bottom of the issue and prove, beyond a doubt, that the whole thing was a Tea Party conspiracy.

A spokesman for Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid just held a press conference and had this to say: "This award is lost and the surge to blame Reggie Bush, as opposed to the real culprit, George Bush, is not accomplishing anything."

Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank, when confronted by reporters from MSNBC while out of the office, was quoted as saying: "Be vewwwy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits."

Vice President Joe Biden recently spoke to reporters: "Reggie Bush is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America."

Whitehouse Press Secretary Robert Gibbs talked to the press corp about the subject of Reggie Bush and his decision to relinquish the Heisman.

"I hear people saying he's like George Bush. Those people ought to be drug tested. I mean, it's crazy."

First Lady Michelle Obama is reportedly going on another European vacation to escape the trauma of this situation and the shame she feels for our country.

President Barrack Obama himself just spoke out on the subject.

"I feel it is my duty to point out some facts about this tragic turn of events. This is a controversy I inherited from the previous administration. Uuhhh....let me be clear, uhhh...I was not President when Reggie won this award. He won this award back in 2005, under the leadership of George Bush. Uhhhhhhhh....it was the previous administration's lack of oversight, faulty intelligence, and misleading statements that got us into this mess in the first place.

"That being said, while I applaud Reggie Bush for stepping forward and voluntarily relinquishing the Heisman Trophy Award, uhh...I cannot help but feel that the trophy, uhhhh...should not stand vacant, but, uhhh...should be given out to another highly deserving individual.

"Now, most of you know that just last year, uhhh...I was nominated for this very prestigious award. While I did not win this particular award, I, uhhh...I think it is time to ask: Why not give this one to me? It's just sitting around someplace, and I think it would look really cool in the White House.

"Some of you may asking: But, Mr. President, you have never even played football. What have you done to deserve this award?

"Well, I would remind those people, that while I never actually ran anything but a campaign in my life, uhhhh...I am now President of the United States and in charge of social....uuuuuhhhhhhh....I mean running the largest economy in the world. Look how well that is going.

"Also, I won a Nobel Prize for Peace just because I was, uuhhh...well I guess because I was elected to office. It's not like giving me the trophy would be unprecedented and it would fit in great next to that Nobel, uhhh...thingy."