Reggie Bush's Heisman Decision Prompts Other NFL Promises

Widespread speculation surrounding the NCAA’s investigation finding that Reggie Bush and his family accepted cash and gifts from fledgling California sports agents prompted the 2005 Heisman winner to return the venerated trophy. 

The New Orleans Saints RB star’s surprising decision spawned a series of other unlikely NFL players, coaches and teams to proffer these proclamations and generate the following gracious gestures. 

The NY Jets' cocky, corpulent coach Rex Ryan committed to construct a much better football team than the highly overrated one that never showed up for last Monday night’s nationally televised game on ESPN. 

Arizona Cardinals management moved to waive first round pick Matt Leinart so that the ex-USC QB bust could hone his skills by competing for a starting job on his old Pop Warner football team.

The Tampa Bay Bucs, after an embarrassing opening day media blackout, vowed to draw more fans in the stands at Raymond James Stadium for their 2011 season kickoff than the total number of players who participated on the field in last week’s battle between the Bucs and Browns.

New England Patriots WR Randy Moss and Washington Redskins RB Clinton Portis guaranteed they’ll continue to offer juicy, inane, and selfish sound bites with Terrell Owens-type flare until Commissioner Roger Goodell opts to step in and squash their reckless rants.

NY Jets CB Antonio Cromartie, responding to HBO Hard Knocks’ criticism of his irresponsible sexual behavior, pledged to remember the names and sexes of the seven children he fathered with six separate women in five different states during his continuous one-night stands over the past few years.

ESPN’s John Clayton reports that the Heisman Trust in NYC will present Bush’s returned trophy to the 2005 runner-up Vince Young as soon as they can identify the newest strip club where the former Texas QB is purported to spend all his time.

Straight talk. No static.

MIKE—thee American-made voice on sports!

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