NFL Picks Week 1: Predictions For Opening Week Games—In Limericks

Rory BrownSenior Writer ISeptember 9, 2010

NFL Picks Week 1: Predictions For Opening Week Games—In Limericks

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    NEW ORLEANS - JANUARY 24:  Visanthe Shiancoe #81 of the Minnesota Vikings runs for yards after the catch against Jabari Greer #32 and Roman Harper #41 of the New Orleans Saints during the NFC Championship Game at the Louisiana Superdome on January 24, 201
    Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

    NFL Picks and Predictions for Week 1 are here.

    That means another glorious NFL season is upon us.

    So what better way to get the season started than with a round of picks and predictions for each Week 1 game....in limericks.

    Before we're inevitably disappointed by our favorite players and coaches, outraged by various officials, and depressed by our underperforming fantasy rosters, give these picks and limericks a read, and don't hesitate to contribute your own limericks in the comments below.

    Go to the next slide to get started on the picks.

Minnesota Vikings @ New Orleans Saints

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    NEW ORLEANS - JANUARY 24: Pierre Thomas #23 of the New Orleans Saints stretches to score a 3-yard rushing touchdown in the third quarter against Tyrell Johnson #25  the Minnesota Vikings during the NFC Championship Game at the Louisiana Superdome on Janua
    Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

    These teams had a dumb Twitter war

    It made headlines, but the tiff was a bore

    For Shiancoe's sake,

    Favre's ankle best not ache

    (Shiancoe's been caught with his pants down before)

    Saints: 38

    Vikings: 28

Carolina Panthers @ New York Giants

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    EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - DECEMBER 27:  Eli Manning #10 of the New York Giants against the Carolina Panthers at Giants Stadium on December 27, 2009 in East Rutherford, New Jersey.  (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)
    Nick Laham/Getty Images

    The Giants' new stadium is big and bold.

    Let's hope it brings back their defense of old.

    Matt Moore's skill is all myth,

    Although he still has Steve Smith.

    No way Eli lets his team fold.

    Giants: 31

    Panthers: 13

Atlanta Falcons @ Pittsburgh Steelers

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    MIAMI - AUGUST 27:  Quarterback Matt Ryan #2 of the Atlanta Falcons passes against the Miami Dolphins during preseason action at Sun Life Stadium on August 27, 2010 in Miami, Florida.  (Photo by Marc Serota/Getty Images)
    Marc Serota/Getty Images

    Matt Ryan hit a sophomore slump.

    But he's not some suspended chump.

    Dennis Dixon has it tough,

    His O-line looks rough.

    The Steelers will get a week 1 thump.

    Falcons: 23

    Steelers: 10

Cleveland Browns @ Tampa Bay Bucs

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    CLEVELAND - JANUARY 03:  Jerome Harrison #35 of the Cleveland Browns runs against the Jacksonville Jaguars at Cleveland Browns Stadium on January 3, 2010 in Cleveland, Ohio.  (Photo by Matt Sullivan/Getty Images)
    Matt Sullivan/Getty Images

    Many fans can watch this on DirecTV.

    But this is not the game they want to see.

    The Browns feature Harrison, Jerome

    Plus overpaid Jake Delhomme.

    And they'll still win 21-3.

    Browns: 21

    Bucs: 3

Indianapolis Colts @ Houston Texans

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    HOUSTON - NOVEMBER 29:  Andre Johnson #80 of the Houston Texans talks with Reggie Wayne #87 of the Indianapolis Colts after their game on November 29, 2009  at Reliant Stadium in Houston, Texas. The Colts won 35-27.  (Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)
    Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

    Get ready, because coverage will be blown.

    That means scores for Wayne, Clark and Garcon.

    Peyton's bulletproof,

    Except for the Super Bowl goof.

    Look for No. 18 to be back in the zone.

    Colts: 42

    Texans: 27

Cincinnati Bengals @ New England Patriots

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    FOXBORO, MA - AUGUST 26:  Randy Moss #81 of the New England Patriots hangs on to the catch as he is tackled by a member of the St. Louis Rams on August 26, 2010 at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, Massachusetts.  (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)
    Elsa/Getty Images

    A big question facing the Pats' attack

    Is "Who is their lead running back?"

    Plus Moss is upset,

    (Not that he's in debt)

    The home crowd gets this team back on track.

    Patriots: 20

    Bengals: 17

Miami Dolphins @ Buffalo Bills

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    LANDOVER, MD - AUGUST 13:  Trent Edwards #5 of the Buffalo Bills hands the ball off to C.J. Spiller #21 during the preseason game against the Washington Redskins at FedEx Field on August 13, 2010 in Landover, Maryland.  (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)
    Greg Fiume/Getty Images

    The Bills have lacked an offensive pillar.

    But now they have much-hyped C.J. Spiller.

    Fans will have their eyes peeled,

    When he's in the backfield.

    But Miami wins in a game that's not much of a thriller.

    Dolphins: 16

    Bills: 9

Oakland Raiders @ Tennessee Titans

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    CHARLOTTE, NC - AUGUST 28:  Runningback Chris Johnson #28 of the Tennessee Titans walks on the sidelines before  the start of their preseason game against the Carolina Panthers at Bank of America Stadium on August 28, 2010 in Charlotte, North Carolina. (P
    Mary Ann Chastain/Getty Images

    Chris Johnson won't have the game you'd expect.

    Since the Raiders' defense is far from suspect.

    Oakland now has Jason Campbell,

    And he knows how to scramble.

    So the Raiders have a chance? Incorrect.

    Titans: 23

    Raiders: 14

Denver Broncos @ Jacksonville Jaguars

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    DENVER - AUGUST 29:  Quarterback Kyle Orton #8 of the Denver Broncos delivers a pass against the Pittsburgh Steelers during preseason NFL action at INVESCO Field at Mile High on August 29, 2010 in Denver, Colorado.  (Photo by Doug Pensinger/Getty Images)
    Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

    Tim Tebow? Fans can't get enough.

    Although Orton's proved he's pretty darn tough.

    The Jags' offense really stinks,

    Their fans should consume a lot of drinks.

    Especially given MJD's bad rotator cuff.

    Broncos: 27

    Jaguars: 6

Arizona Cardinals @ St. Louis Rams

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    ST. LOUIS - SEPTEMBER 2: Sam Bradford #8 of the St. Louis Rams passes against the Baltimore Ravens during an NFL preseason game at the Edward Jones Dome on September 2, 2010 in St. Louis, Missouri.  (Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images)
    Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images

    Bradford is starting, the Rams have revealed.

    Steven Jackson should be fully healed.

    Anderson will have bad spells,

    But he can count on Beanie Wells.

    And Arizona wins on the Rams' field.

    Cardinals: 21

    Rams: 17

San Francisco 49ers @ Seattle Seahawks

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    SEATTLE , WA - DECEMBER 06:  Vernon Davis #85 of the San Francisco 49ers catches a touchdown pass in the 1st qurter against the Seattle Seahawks  at Qwest Field on December 6, 2009 in Seattle, Washington.  (Photo by Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images)
    Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images

    Niner fans will give it to you straight.

    They're not scared of Carroll, Forsett or Tate.

    The NFC West is weak,

    A loss would be bleak.

    Plus Singletary would be absolutely irate.

    49ers: 35

    Seahawks: 14

Detroit Lions @ Chicago Bears

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    CLEVELAND - SEPTEMBER 2: Jay Cutler #6 talks with Greg Olsen #82 of the Chicago Bears against the Cleveland Browns during the preseason game on September 2, 2010 at Cleveland Browns Stadium in Cleveland, Ohio. The Browns defeated the Bears 13-10. (Photo b
    Justin K. Aller/Getty Images

    Folks tie the Detroit Lions to losing.

    But the Bears' D is no longer bruising.

    With a kick from Jahvid Best,

    Stafford can handle the rest.

    And Jay Cutler picks? Always amusing.

    Lions: 27

    Bears: 26

Green Bay Packers @ Philadelphia Eagles

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    GLENDALE, AZ - JANUARY 10:  Wide receiver Greg Jennings #85 of the Green Bay Packers catches the ball for a touchdown against the Arizona Cardinals during the third quarter of the 2010 NFC wild-card playoff game at University of Phoenix Stadium on January
    Jeff Gross/Getty Images

    Kevin Kolb's stomach must be in knots

    Replacing McNabb is one of many subplots

    Green Bay's already been crowned,

    As Super Bowl bound.

    Expect lots of yards -- lots and lots.

    Packers: 45

    Eagles: 27

Dallas Cowboys @ Washington Redskins

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    LANDOVER, MD - AUGUST 21:  Donovan McNabb #5 of the Washington Redskins throws a pass during the preseason game against the Baltimore Ravens at FedExField on August 21, 2010 in Landover, Maryland.  (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)
    Greg Fiume/Getty Images

    A new era officially begins.

    McNabb now leads the Redskins.

    The Dallas offense: a mess

    But they do have weapons in excess.

    And Jerry Jones' Super Bowl patience still thins.

    Cowboys: 24

    Redskins: 21

Baltimore Ravens @ New York Jets

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    EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - AUGUST 16:  Head coach Rex Ryan of the New York Jets looks on during their game against the New York Giants at New Meadowlands Stadium on August 16, 2010 in East Rutherford, New Jersey.  (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)
    Nick Laham/Getty Images

    The Jets are getting hit with a lot of smack.

    And the Ravens will be on the attack.

    If the Jets stop Ray Rice,

    A few scores should suffice.

    And they'll deserve that "Hard Knocks" snack.

    Jets: 16

    Ravens: 13

San Diego Chargers @ Kansas City Chiefs

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    ATLANTA - AUGUST 13:  Jamaal Charles #25 of the Kansas City Chiefs against the Atlanta Falcons at Georgia Dome on August 13, 2010 in Atlanta, Georgia.  (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)
    Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

    No matter what year, what time, or what day

    Arrowhead is a very tough place to play.

    KC's backs have luster

    With Charles, Jones and McCluster

    But Rivers is a great QB who's here to stay.

    Chargers: 21

    Chiefs: 17