Smack-Talking, Dan Hampton, The Dallas Cowboys, Brokeback Mountain, and Katrina

According to the ranting Chicago Bears defensive lineman-turned-talking head Dan Hampton, the Dallas Cowboys "think they are Clint Eastwood, but are more the Brokeback variety, if you know what I mean."

I will leave the homophobic lamentations to those who worry over such things and instead focus on the implication and the meathead who made it.

Because they are a team of glitz and glamor, many through the years have dubbed the Cowboys as soft. It is and always has been a convenient label...and a crock of (human waste).

In the NFL, soft teams don't often play in Super Bowls. The Cowboys have played in eight, which is more than any other team. Soft teams surely do not win Super Bowls. The Cowboys have won five, a number only the Steelers have surpassed. Soft teams don't feature someone nicknamed the Manster (half-man, half-monster).

Speaking of Randy White, does anyone remember when he ripped Dan Hampton's helmet off his head and bitch-slapped him with it? I suspect, though White's age is now three years beyond the No. 54 he wore on his jersey, he could still whip Hampton without getting winded. For that matter, Bob Lilly, who is only three years shy of his jersey No. 74, could probably give the overrated lineman a whupping, as well.

Or, maybe Hampton would prefer to discuss toughness with Jay Ratliff or Marc Colombo...or Marion Barber, for that matter.

Hampton is just a Cowboy-hater. He always has been.

He also said he would like to be able to buy the Cowboys for what they are worth, and sell them for what they think they are worth.

Well, who wouldn't want to buy that team for what it is worth? That would mean you were a billionaire and didn't have to sell yourself to the highest bidder to do something you are ill-equipped to do. It would mean you didn't have to try to remember to be coherent while ranting on TV for a few bucks and a mess of pottage.

Obviously, Hampton thinks the Cowboys are soft and overrated. He also thinks that they overrate themselves. I am not exactly sure what hard factual information he gathered to help him reach that conclusion. I am sure his words were the product of a purely unbiased, analytical mind. I am confident he has empirical evidence to support his thesis.

Wait. No, I'm not. I just think he is a juvenile brat with a middle school mentality who could not resist the urge to try to be witty and funny in the presence of adults. I can appreciate that. I was 13 once, too.

The laugh-a-minute wit quickly followed his Cowboy trashing with the remark that the Minnesota Vikings should "hit New Orleans like Katrina."

If you are in a Minneapolis bar, that is funny stuff. If you are a professional football analyst on national TV, it is kind of stupid at best. Besides, your witticism carries a lot less punch when you have to follow it up with your "sincerest apology."

I guess Hampton never read Broadcasting for Dummies. Or, maybe he did.

Stay tuned. They may let him talk some more. Should be entertaining, if a little ignorant, insensitive, and uninformed.