Why the I.O.C. was Seduced by Rio

We’re still crying about Chicago not getting the 2016 Olympic games. Chicago had so much to offer. We couldn’t quite figure out why Rio De Janeiro was picked ahead of Chicago; so I consulted with South American expert and big tennis fan, Davidoff Clarkinov.
    

S.O.S.: Davidoff, it is hard to understand how they passed over Chicago when Barack, Michelle, and Oprah made their pitch. After all, Chicago is famous for Michael Jordan and is known as the City of Big Shoulders.   

D.C.: Adriana Lima.

S.O.S.: Adriana Lima? Rio’s Victoria’s Secret and Sports Illustrated model?

D.C.: Exactly. Chicago may be home to many famous celebrities but Rio has the most beautiful women in the world.

S.O.S.: But Chicago is the City of Big Shoulders

D.C.: Rio… Big Breasts! 

S.O.S.: Chicago is the home of the professional wrestler, Colt Cabana! 

D.C.: Rio’s the home of Copacabana.

S.O.S.: Wait… that’s a night club in New York!

D.C.: No, it’s a beach in Rio.

S.O.S.: So… It’s all about nude beaches and plumage and strutting their …

D.C.: Sugar Loafs!! 

S.O.S.: But those are the mountains in Rio. 

D.C.: Exactly.

S.O.S.: But Chicago has Bill Murray!

D.C.: You’re comparing Murray to Mounds... Muchachas... Marangos...?

S.O.S.: But how about all the great musicians from Chicago? Like Bo Diddley and Herbie Hancock…?

D.C.: You’re not going to trap me. The Girl from Ipanema… When she goes walking... and when she passes, each one she passes… goes... “A-a-ah!”

S.O.S.: So that’s it? Another beach? Bill Murray can’t compete? Chicago has beaches…

D.C.: When she walks, she’s like a samba, that swings so cool and sways so gentle, that when she passes, each one she passes, goes “A-a-ah!”

S.O.S.: But Chicago already had stadiums and Soldier Field…!  

D.C.: “Tall and Tan and Young and Lovely, the Girl from Ipanema goes walking…” and she’s got these great big Tatas.