Tim Tebow: Denver Broncos Quarterback The New Face of the NFL (Satire)

Tim Tebow’s face has officially replaced the NFL’s trademark shield-shaped logo and will now appear on every NFL-related piece of equipment. Jerseys, trading cards, video games: this new change includes it all.

Roger Goodell tried to explain this move by telling everyone that it just made sense. “If Tebow hasn’t even thrown a pass in a real NFL game and he’s this popular then just imagine what will happen when he actually sees some action,” the commissioner said. 

From a financial standpoint this move could be a cure-all for the NFL. Tebow gear has proven to be a big hit and his jersey is already the number one selling jersey in the league. Just imagine how much sales will skyrocket once his face appears on everything!

Moreover, this is not the only change following the Tebow-mania that has swept over the NFL.

Players are now required to wear black eye paint underneath each eye and a religious message must be displayed on at least one side. If every single player on the active roster does not do so, their team will incur a penalty.

Just like when soccer referees pull a red card from their pockets, NFL referees will draw pocket-sized Bibles from their uniforms and show them to the offending players. The team will then be forced to play without those players.

Reports indicate that Ed Hochuli is excited about the new rule.

Also, since Tim Tebow is still only the backup quarterback for the Denver Broncos, all contracts must be reworked so that every player playing the same position as Tebow will be paid more than any other player on his team. 

“This move really makes sense,” NFL analyst Adam Schefter said. “Tebow has finally popularized the backup quarterback position and it’s time that other backup quarterbacks around the league get the recognition that they deserve.”

In addition, the NFL has implemented a new set of rules just for Tebow in hopes of maximizing his success. Goodell explained that this was not saying that Tebow needed help though.

Under this special set of rules, Tebow will be allowed to throw from beyond the line of scrimmage and will even be able to lateral forwards if he runs. Defenders will also not be allowed to hit Tebow either above or below the neck.

Finally, a TebowCam will be installed at each and every single game. Note that this does not just include Broncos games.

Shannon Sharpe, an analyst for ESPN, said that “It is of vital importance for every fan to be able to see Tebow’s technique both when he sits on the bench and when he’s holding a clipboard. It may even help out other players.”

This TebowCam will be aired on every major news station except for the newly created Favre News on channel four.  

If successful, the TebowCam will be extended to off-the-field coverage and show Tebow saving children’s lives, going to church three times a week, doing community service, diagramming quarterback draws on napkins, and writing emotional speeches to inspire his team.

Sharpe continued by saying “Let’s be honest. We need to hear about every time Tebow gets a hair cut, gets hurt, or has to pick a new splinter from the bench out of his butt.”

Just imagine what the reaction will be when he picks his nose or starts a game.