College Football: Top 10 Things Mike Leach Might Say on CBS
Earlier this week, ex-Texas Tech Football coach Mike Leach was hired as a game analyst by the CBS College Sports Network. The colorful Leach was well known during his 10-year tenure as the Red Raiders head coach for his offensive genius, quirky personality, and sometimes random comments.
Leach was hardly the typical prototype for a NCAA head football coach: zero playing experience, law degree, and diverse interests from pirates to grizzly bears to Winston Churchill.
Mike Leach’s 84-43 mark at Texas Tech makes him the winningest coach in the history of Texas Tech football. His dismissal immediately prior to the 2009 Alamo Bowl created a divide at Tech between those who wanted him gone and those who couldn’t quite grasp that the administration would dismiss the program's most successful coach so suddenly, seemingly without cause.
Leach has indicated that he still wants to coach college football and you have to believe that he will indeed land back at the helm of a program sometime in the near future.
Until that time Leach will find himself in broadcast booths all over the nation.
Thus far, the college football community has only heard and seen a glimpse of Leach (from a purely verbal sense) over his decade as a head coach. Press conferences, interviews and game film only gave the public a peek into Mike Leach and what he has to say.
But, starting September 11th, when N.C. State faces Central Florida in Orlando, football enthusiasts will begin to get a full dose of Mike Leach as he covers games with veteran play by play man Roger Twibell.
Who knows what Leach might have to say and how long CBS will remain eager to support a “fresh take on college football.” The following slides attempt to predict what College Football’s resident expert on pirates might articulate from the broadcast booth.
10.
1 of 10
Tulsa has the ball on their own 37-yard line and faces a 4th-and-long against conference foe SMU. Coach Todd Graham immediately sends in Tulsa’s punting unit and Leach asserts, “You know Roger, I guess Todd Graham is the kind of guy that only eats two meals a day . . .” Twibell is noticeably confused by Leach’s statement but chuckles heartily anyway responding “Well Mike, what do you mean by that?”
“Well,” Leach muses “If a guy has four downs and will only use 3 of them he must be the kind of man that will only eat two meals when he is offered three. Makes no damn sense to me at all.”
9.
2 of 10
It’s late in the season and late in a game that is a blowout. Twibell and Leach, fumbling around for an interesting topic are discussing recent inflammatory comments made by USC’s Lane Kiffin.
Kiffin has made some remarks about how Rick Neuheisel and UCLA will never be able to recruit in the Los Angeles area against USC. He states that is one of the many reasons that the Bruins will “never, ever” be a real challenge to the Trojans or in a position to capture a Pac-10 title.
Leach’s comments go something like, “You know, that guy ought to be able to say whatever he wants to, you know, from a libertarian perspective we have a right to speak, regardless of what is considered acceptable. When I started talking about ‘fat little girlfriends’ I’m sure that upset a lot of people, including the fat little girlfriends.
"We’re not here to make friends, we’re here to win games and if that gives Kiffin an edge he should use it. If he wants to talk about how UCLA can’t recruit because they can’t win or how they can’t win because they can’t recruit then he should. It’s a lot like this broadcasting job, they tell us want they want us to say, what we can say, what we can’t say, but, in the end, if it works, everyone will just smile and go along with it.”
8.
3 of 10
While covering a TCU home game, an on-air discussion ensues regarding top 2011 linebacker recruit Anthony Wallace from Dallas. Twibell begins to discuss Wallace’s options which include USC, Georgia, Oklahoma, Oregon and Texas.
“It’s a real shame that TCU can’t convince a home town product like Wallace to commit” Twibell declares.
Leach, clearly annoyed, retorts, “Roger, I just don’t know why a guy with that kind of talent would waste his career playing linebacker; he was born to be a tight end. I’ve never understood why an athlete of that caliber would want to play defense.”
.jpg?w=256 "Ohio State Team Doctor")
7.
4 of 10
During an Arkansas game the camera pans out over the Razorback fans clad in Razorback hats and screaming “Wooooooo Pig Sooie! Wooooo Pig Sooie! Woooooo Pig Sooie! Razorbacks!”
Leach calmly states, “Well, that kind of reminds me of something Winston Churchill once said: ‘I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.’"
6.
5 of 10
The Cougars are up by 42 points late in the Houston vs. Southern Miss game, and Roger Twibell asks Mike Leach what he thinks about Case Keenum’s numbers in light of Houston’s offensive system.
“Are the nation-leading numbers that Keenum has put up this season indicative of skill or the offensive system? I mean, how will this guy do in the draft if he has to play in an offense other than the Cougars’?”
Luckily, the camera pans to the broadcast booth for Leach’s response which is predicated by a strange snarl, “Well Roger, the idea of a system is stupid; I mean, if it is all about the system then why even recruit a smart kid with a great arm like Keenum? If it’s just the system then why even practice, why not just show up before the game and let the system do the work? If it’s just the system then why even have coaches, just get some jerk to come in and explain the ‘system’? That’s just a bunch of crap!”
5.
6 of 10
As the units of midshipmen and cadets are lining up in their block formations on the field during the opening of the Army vs. Navy game in Philadelphia, Leach states “Well Roger, these guys really are soldiers. They’re the real deal. This is nothing like having pirate school.”
4.
7 of 10
Late in the game, TCU is up by four touchdowns over Wyoming. Horned Frog coach Gary Patterson begins to put on the brakes and sends the second-team offense out on the field.
Twibell comments, “Well Coach, looks like Patterson has decided to save Andy Dalton and company for next week’s big game vs. BYU.”
Leach responds with obvious disgust; “You know Roger, I’ve never understood how you train these young men to finish a game, play hard all the way to the end, through four quarters and then you set the example of letting up and stopping in the name of mercy. A bunch of whiners will call it sportsmanship and say ‘running up the score’ is bad for the game.
To me it’s like golf: Just because you're 15-under do you just stop trying to make birdies so the score at the end of the tournament will be closer and the other golfers will feel all warm and fuzzy?”
3.
8 of 10
Coming out of a commercial, the camera pans to the broadcast booth where Roger Twibell is awkwardly sitting alone. After about 30 seconds of Twibell basically talking to himself, Leach fumbles clumsily out from behind the curtain saying “Sorry, Roger I was just changing my Facebook status . . .”
2.
9 of 10
On air, Twibell asks Leach why he missed the pregame broadcast meeting, Lech responds thusly:
“Well Roger, you know, I went down to the hotel basement conference room for the meeting, and it was darker than hell down there. All I could see was an ice machine. I fumbled around in the dark looking for that room, and, you know what, I couldn’t find it. I was so anxious I pulled out my cell phone and took a quick video so I could show everyone just how screwed up it all was. It was really terrifying. I mean, I can’t believe something like that could happen.”
1.
10 of 10
At the beginning of the third quarter of the New Mexico vs. UTEP game, the camera catches live shots of the city of Albuquerque. The coverage switches back to the broadcast booth where Leach and Twibell are set to recap the first half and give keys to the second half. Twibell pontificates on the defenses, leaving Leach to obviously discuss the offensive production of the teams in the first half.
Leach smiles ever so slightly and says “Well Roger, I know there is some crap I’m supposed to say but did you know Geronimo was born near here in 1829? He was a member of the Bedonkohe band of the Apache but after his fathers’ death was brought to live with the Chihenne . . .”
Twibell waits for Leach to finish and then as the camera pans back out to both announcers he very professionally states, “Thanks for that insight Mike, and we’ll be right back with the second half.”
.jpg?w=480 "Ohio State Team Doctor")
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