2011 Packer Super Bowl Predicted By German Researchers

 Researchers studying the intelligence of matter in the universe have unexpectedly found a method to predict one American football team's success and failures with 100% accuracy. Season predictions usually comes down to a team’s individual strengths at key positions and perhaps their strength of schedule.  But Matthew Hassol, Director of Innovation for Drünnkin Research Corporation www.drunkkin.com ,  announced they have discovered a formula that has accurately predicted the Green Bay Packer's for 90 consecutive years.

 Speaking Tuesday, August 17, 2010 at an early morning press conference in Drünkkin’s Midwest office in St. Paul, Minnesota, Dr. Hassol announced that a theory that may one day help humanity understand the intelligence of all matter had an unusual additional result:

“….Drünkkin researchers have revealed a direct correlation of string cheese sales (also known as tube, or mozzarella stick cheese)  from July 10 to August 10 within the state of Wisconsin in the United States and the number of victories the American football team, Green Bay Packers, achieved for the following season from the years 1921 to 2010. We call it, String Cheese Theory (SCT) and somehow it is a 100% accurate predictor of the Green Bay Packer American Football team’s performance.  We also announce the data now shows that the Green Bay Packers will win at least 12 regular season victories and also be the winner of the championship game for their coming American football season.”

According to the results of String Cheese Theory, soon to be published in the German Journal of Leifenaz, www.leifenaz.com/STCdata  when string sales are over 5% higher or lower relative to the previous year from July until August the Packers have a stronger or weaker season than the season prior. “The sales figures we just received on Saturday, August 15,2010 clearly show a Championship for this team and caused us to rush the announcement of our theory. This has the added benefit of regular Americans who follow American football to become interested in our work here at Drünkkin. 

String Cheese Theory according to Dr. Hassol was not created at Drünkkin to result in prognostication powers for Green Bay Packer Football or any sports team for that matter. “First, this facility is in Minnesota. Most of our employees are fans of the Minnesota Viking American Football team.  Drünkkin is a physics/economic research group founded in Germany in 1957. Our researchers look for patterns between seemingly unrelated incidents that might reveal ways to predict the future. String Cheese Theory developed out of stronger computing power and other technological breakthroughs that rendered  earlier discovery mechanisms obsolete.

 “Drünkkin's super computers test thousands of combinations of seemingly unrelated events every second until a pattern is identified. Put any two nouns into a theory and we have probably tested it. “Binocular sales and apple seeds, chair sales and sunny days, candles and shingles- most are not related and show no patterns in the slightest – but String Cheese Theory, and a 90 year accuracy for one particular sports team has blown us all away,” says Hassol. 

Mr. Hassol explained that his understanding of the Green Bay Packers is that they are one of the oldest and most successful teams in American football and that helped their researchers extend back the theory for 90 years.  Mr. Hart also mentioned that his Drünkkin researchers also analyzed sales for particular weeks and have found yet another shocking and humbling connection that will remain confidential for the time being.

“Other cheeses, or for that matter in our 53 years of research, no other object in matter has shown 100% accuracy in predicting future events like the string cheese.”  String Cheese Theory and Green Bay Packer Championships- makes the World Cup Octopus seem like an amateur as these results have never been wrong in 90 years. It’s going to be a championship year for them,  but more importantly today is a championship for humanity in our understanding of the intelligence of matter.”

For a serious research group to reveal such a seemingly odd theory caused no embarrassment for Drünkkin. “We believe this is why we are such a unique and successful research group. We test everything. We look for the slightest pattern that might reveal an underlying connection of all things within our World. String Cheese Theory opens up a new pathway for future research that will show the underlying intelligence of all matter,: continued Dr. Hassol. Hassol also noted that getting American football fans interested in their research makes this doubly exciting for Drünkkin.

For scientists there is reason for excitement at a new branch of research. Hassol was asked if fans of the Green Bay Packers can confidently purchase tickets for the Super Bowl. “Not only that, they can plan their celebration as well,” adds Hassol.

All thanks to the theory of Strings and cheese.