Kevin Garnett Is a Better Player than Paul Pierce

Delusional Boston Celtics superstar Paul Pierce told a Spanish publication last week that he was the best player in the entire world.

"I’m the best player in the world,” said Pierce, 30, a man who has only made the All-NBA Third Team three-times since making his professional debut with the Celtics in 1999. "There's a line that separates having confidence and being conceited. I don't cross that line, but I have a lot of confidence in myself."

One can only surmise that Pierce (AKA “Tiny” Tim Cratchit) is still heavily medicated from the debilitating knee injury that he suffered in Game One of the NBA Finals versus the Los Angeles Lakers.

“The Truth” is that Pierce is not even the best player on his own team. By a decent margin, that distinction belongs to Celtics' power forward Kevin Garnett.

Prior to obtaining Garnett, who won the 2004 MVP and is a four-time All NBA First Team selection, the Celtics were the biggest laughingstock since Carrot Top. Garnett’s acquisition revitalized Boston’s storied franchise, and KG is the man most responsible for the 17th championship the team captured last June.

“The False,” who was deservingly named the NBA Finals MVP after Boston’s 131-92 victory over the Lakers in Game Six, is a very solid player, and was pivotal for the Celtics in the 2008 playoffs.

Nevertheless, Pierce’s boasts were the most illogical assertions since Napoleon Dynamite claimed he slaughtered in excess of 50 wolverines during a summer hunting trip to Alaska.

As Mark Twain said, “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

“The Truth” would be wise to heed Twain’s advice, before he is universally referred to as “The False.”

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