Finding Their Name: The Story of 2010's Browns Rookies

For years upon years the Cleveland Browns have picked at or near the top of the NFL draft. This sickening practice has been dubbed “Our Super Bowl” by several local media members. Throughout the course of this sick practice becoming the norm and acceptable, I’ve tried to find ways to make it fun having a bad football team. Hence forth, finding really cool nicknames for Cleveland Browns rookies. In years past there’s been “The Mighty” Brady Quinn, playing off of the Manfred Mann song “The Mighty Quinn.” There was Courtney “Quiet Storm” Brown who was later amended to the “Slight Drizzle.” “Big Money” Gerard Warren, who was also dubbed “The Ladies Man” by WKNR’s Kenny Roda. Last season’s class included Alex “Daddy” Mack, Brian “Slobiskie” Robiskie for his slow moving frame, and my personal favorite James “Boom Goes the Dynamite” Davis. Of course none of these players have led to a Super Bowl victory yet, but there are hopes that those on the active roster, Mack, Robiskie, and Davis will help us achieve the real “Season of Dreams.”

Having said that, here are the official Jeff Schwartz nicknames of your 2010 Cleveland Browns rookies….

Round 1: CB Joe Haden, Florida: This was a tough one. I’m going with “Mr.” Joe Haden because his name sounds so distinguished you just have to throw a Mr. in front of it. Of all the rooks, this is the one I want to succeed the most.

Round 2: S T.J. Ward, Oregon: This was the easiest one. With the craze of World Wide Wes during the whole LeBron James hostage fiasco, and the style of play employed by T.J. Ward, I’ve dubbed him “Wild, Wild Ward.” He’s a killer, and he might just be the best safety to ever come from the Pac-10 if he stays within himself and can stay healthy.

Round 2: RB Montario Hardesty, Tennessee: Often compared to Jamal Lewis, his mentor at “Rocky Top University,” Hardesty is a violent runner.Gus Johnson of CBS once described Lewis as running like he had bad intentions. In a word, or two, that’s the name to go with Montario “Bad Intentions” Hardesty. He’s a monster in the wings, once he gets healthy.

Round 3: QB Colt McCoy, Texas: He’s a straight shooting, gun slinging inspiration according to former teammate Jordan Shipley, so I’m going with “The Real” Colt McCoy. I know of two people both named Colt and they’re both highly successful and great down to earth people. So let’s hope to add a third to that group.

Round 3: OT Shawn Lauvao, Arizona State: I honestly had never heard of this man when the Browns made him the 92^nd overall selection in the 2010 NFL draft. I’ve You Tubed him and checked out some film. He’s a man child. With only a small archive of footage to see, I went with the generic name of Shawn “Monster” Lauvao. He just looks like a monster on the field, I see him as a staple of the Browns Offensive Line for the next ten seasons.

Round 5: SS Larry Asante, Nebraska: Larry’s last name is perfect for a football player. He plays like his nickname too. He’s a head hunter. He’s a killer. He’s got no remorse for what he does on the field. Larry Asante is going to be glossed, “Assassin.” He’s also going to be a fixture in the Cleveland Browns secondary for years to come.

Round 6: WR Carlton Mitchell, South Florida: He’s got freak like speed and huge hands. Carlton Mitchell may have a first name dedicated to the nerd on that Will Smith show, but he’s a lot more like the Fresh Prince on the field. He’s a quick thinker, and moves around to avoid trouble. For the rest of his time in C-Town, Carlton Mitchell is going to be “The Smooth Prince.”

Round 6: DE Clifton Geathers, South Carolina: 6’7, 299lbs that’s a big, big boy. I had never seen highlight one of Clifton Geathers until yesterday.He’s so strong, that I have a hard time believing he’s only 299lbs. His arms are long, and he’s got speed. I hope this guy can develop into something because he looks like he could be very fun to watch. Clifton “Get To It” Geathers is going to be a ball hawk if he can get used to his size and the player opposite of him. Hopefully there’s a plethora of sacks in his future with us yelling “Get To It!”

Over the course of the next few weeks, they’ll be more season related previews. I’m a firm believer in where this team is headed. Good times are ahead for those of us who haven’t abandoned the fine city of Cleveland.

 

Jeff Schwartz can be contacted at [e-mail] or on Twitter at twitter.com/thejeffschwartz