Brett Favre Retires, Or: How I Learned to Tune This Story Out

Over the course of August 3rd, it was widely and often reported that Brett Favre was definitely, assuredly, positively, indubitably going to retire. Finally.

ESPN devoted 96 percent of it's airtime to the saga. Profootballtalk.com wrote 11 Favre-related stories today—so far. Both major Twin Cities newspapers had the story on the front-page of their respective websites.

But he might not have retired.

Training camp must have just started or something.

The latest twist in this adventure was provided when Minnesota Vikings tight end Visanthe Shiancoe, who never met a media member he wouldn't talk to, said that Favre had texted a few teammates of his plans to retire. One spark and the media and the public were on fire, even though head coach Brad Childress said Favre hasn't told him anything about retirement.

"I'm not a big hearsay person. I got to hear it from the horse's mouth," Childress claimed.

Kicker Ryan Longwell, Favre's teammate for nine years in Green Bay and last season in Minnesota, spoke with Favre today and said "He didn't tell me that. I don't know where the reports came from, but he certainly hasn't said that to me."

That initial report indicating Favre would retire mentioned that Favre would release a press statement sometime this afternoon. It is nearly 9 p.m. eastern time, and no statement has been released.

Nobody has any real idea what to believe Favre is thinking right now, it would seem.

So, why was today different than any other day for the past, what, seven years? Nothing, really. Except, maybe now, Vikings fans know how Packers fans felt for lo' those many years.

That is because, for starters, he invites this.  The most ardent, supportive, die-hard, Favre fan—I'm talking about the guy wearing the Southern Mississippi Favre jersey because his throwback New York Jets Favre jersey is in the washer and his Packers Favre jersey is in a frame above the fireplace—would admit Favre is a drama queen.

There is no reason to believe Shiancoe would make this up; Favre probably did text a few players, and it was more than likely a cryptic text message that could be so easily misinterpreted. Just enough bait for the media to come running.

Quintessential Brett: he hasn't made any statements about anything, except to secondary sources who can relay the information without anything definitively coming back to him.

Of course, since he is one of the no-doubt greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game and arguably among the handful of quarterbacks who could be called the Greatest Ever, he can be forgiven for some of this narcissism. For some of it.

While Favre invites the circus to his doorstep, when he could simply say either "I'll show up after the third preseason game, okay?" or "The ankle won't make it this year," the circus has it's fair share of blame here too.

The Favre soap opera is perfect for filling empty space in the 24-hour news cycle, since it's essentially speculation, conjecture, and gossip.  And BREAKING NEWS is an almighty mantra for every media outlet; being able to say BREAKING NEWS: BRETT FAVRE RETIRES is like finding plutonium - by accident.  

Since the media has found this plutonium so, so many times before, it is like riding a bicycle for them at this point. It is paint-by-numbers simplicity and every business likes a streamlined, simple production.

After they pimp the BREAKING NEWS aspect of the story, they can turn to reaction and analysis: What will the Vikings look like without Favre? Was it okay for Favre to wait this long? And here's what Mark Schlereth thinks! 

They can even talk out of both sides of their mouth and say that he will still come back. Considering that Favre didn't start sign with the Vikings last year until August 18th, the idea that he will still come back doesn't seem like a stretch.

It's all just a little bit of history repeating...

Bottom line? Until he files retirement papers, don't believe anything anybody says about Brett Favre retiring.

Especially Brett Favre.