Chris Berman's Bold 2011 ESPY Prediction (Satire)

ESPN's Bob Ley and Stuart Scott are smiling.

Their legendary broadcasting buddy, Chris Berman, stepped way outside the lines this morning on my sports television talk show with a bold prediction. Booyah!

Commenting on last night's ESPY Awards in LA, the Swami passionately picked me—Michael Anthony Raffone, aka Mike Raffone, or simply MIKE, as a lock for a 2011 ESPY in the new ESPY category—Breakout Broadcaster of the Year!

Uncharacteristically agitated at his beloved employer, Berman bemoaned that the World Wide Leader in Sports has apparently whiffed on the opportunity to sign me—the World Wide Leader in Sports Humor—to a long term Sports Center anchor gig!

Berman berated ESPN management as, "rumblin', bumblin', and stumblin ," their way through contract negotiations with my agent. ESPN's most revered television reporter appeared exasperated by the thought of probably losing me—the long awaited microphone messiah—to a rival sports media company. ESPN co-hosts Ley and Scott shared similar sentiments.

Berman stated, "MIKE is a perfectly constructed Titanium American Microphone, manufactured with only the finest imported components. He can't possibly make a mistake—unless a team of writers and animators program him to do something stupid."

Berman continued by saying, "ESPN will look back, back, back, years from now and painfully regret its decision not to sign this new MIKE guy for the next Millennium. Picking any human smooth-talking suit over MIKE rivals that of the Blazers drafting Sam Bowie over another Mike way back in 1984!"

Calls to ESPN management were not returned. Speculation surfaced that high powered heads in Bristol will roll for failing to sign me—the new ultimate talking head in sports!

Berman blasted bureaucrats in Bristol and bemused that, as America's favorite new sportscaster, I... will... go... all... the... way... to the ESPY podium at the Nokia Theatre in LA in July 2011.

Straight talk. No static.

MIKE—thee American made voice on sports!

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