2010 World Cup: U.S. Loses and Rest of the World Breathes a Sigh of Relief

Thank God those damn Americans lost to Ghana in the World Cup. We simply can't have the USA dominating in a sport that belongs to the rest of world.

I mean, just who do these yanks think they are? Don't they know that soccer isn't supposed to be taken seriously in America? It is Europe's game; the U.S. has no business even dreaming about reaching the semi-finals.

Sure, they got screwed out of at least one and perhaps two goals during the games. That serves them right, thinking they can compete on a soccer field.

Look, they already dominate basketball and football (and by the way, where do they get off calling that neanderthal game football? Soccer is football, or futbol, to be more precise).

And if they played only their major league stars, they would rule baseball on the world stage as well.

Enough already. Isn't bowling and softball enough? Swimming and even skiing they can compete in, but stay out of our way when it comes to the most popular sport in the world.

Those silly Americans talk about the shame they feel when they turn over cars and get arrested celebrating their stupid championships. Hey, we shoot each other in the stands over our sport!

Isn't it enough they flaunt their freedom and clean water and military superiority?

Sure, they assist other countries all the time when they are in need, only to be hated by so many throughout the world. But what do they expect, gratitude?

We simply can not and will not allow the USA to become competitive in soccer. It just isn't fair.

It's our unalienable right to have superiority in "our" sport. They can have their basketball, we own the world's greatest sport and that can never change.

So stay away from any thoughts of becoming a player in soccer.

But um...can you send us some military and financial aid?