NCAA Conference Realignment: One Fan's Letters To Each Conference

Before writing for bleacher report I was known to fire off a letter or two to the editor of the local newspaper.

Perhaps it was because of my fine debate skills or perhaps because I had a gift for pissing people off, most of them got printed.

My wife was constantly yelling at me, thinking the men with pitchforks and lit torches would eventually be at our door.

So, in light of last week's gigantic media implosion and utter chaos, my letters to various commissioners around the country.

Dear Big Ten

Of all the conferences to come out looking good I didn't figure you for this one. You were already one of the few conferences that actually had more than two schools capable of winning your league and to add a program like Nebraska, well... good show.

Now you can be a big boy and have a championship game and actually have your champion earn it instead of letting some pencil necked pollsters figure it out.

You've got a long way to go before catching up to us Southern boys, but its a step. Looking forward to beating you in a championship soon.

Dear Pac-10

Its hard for me to take anything on the West Coast seriously, especially football. Sure you have a hotshot quarterback or running back at times, but it takes more than that to win in the real world.

If it weren't for Samoa I doubt your programs could beat a conference USA team. If Nick Saban or Urban Meyer ever vacation there you might as well close up shop.

Sorry about the USC thing, we saw the mushroom cloud from here. As an Alabama fan I can relate, but hiring Lane Kiffin AND Ed Orgeron? You might as well get ready for the death sentence.

By the way, next time you plan a wedding to the hottest girl in Texas, you might want to actually get the affirmative answer from her before you show up in a tux.

Dear Big 12

Henceforth your league will be referred to as “Longhornia” since it's obvious that the old white and dirt-orange runs everything.

Exactly how do you plan on getting recruits excited about coming to your schools and pumped in the weight room when their entire season boils down to one game.

Compare that to the weekly “ESPN gameday” atmosphere that is the SEC.

Most of the Big 12 would struggle against a 6A high school in the South.

Let's be frank, you sucked pond water to begin with, losing Nebraska and Colorado just made you worse, and you did NOTHING.

Congratulations for finding the rock bottom, and then finding a drill.  I guess when it comes to drilling a hole, nobody does it better.

PS Texas, Alabama could have stomped you by a hundred, Nick Saban was just being nice.

Dear Notre Dame

You're not even in a conference.  In my dictionary I crossed out the word "coward" and just put the Notre Dame logo.

The Rudy movie was cute though.

Dear ACC

You're pathetic.

BUT...

At the end of the week of chaos you are still in one piece.

Florida State should be recovering from the post-Bowden meltdown.

Clemson is fairly solid.

The Schools with “Tech” in their names are actually pretty good.

And then there's Miami, they produced the “Rock” so heck, what else do they need?

I suppose it's possible you could be competitive, but I doubt it.  We will always need homecoming opponents though.

Dear SEC

Well it would have been interesting adding two more teams to the mix but with the Pac-10 on fire, the Big 12 looking like two goats and a pack of gerbils, and the Big Ten still too slow to catch us, no need to change a thing.

Thanks for being awesome!

I can't wait to see which SEC team wins the National Championship this year.