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Ten Ways Of Knowing You're Addicted to Bleacher Report

Alex FergusonJul 15, 2008

1)  You wake up and the first thing you do is open up your email to see how many people have commented on your stories. If it’s over 10, you’re going to have a great, great day – even if every one of them says: “You’re an asshole!”

2)  You tell your friends you can’t believe how Mike from Alabama can’t spell “Crimson Tyde” properly (notes for Editors: I spelt Tyde deliberately incorrectly).


3)  After every joke statement and incorrect statement, you have to add a note to editors to try to tell them not to change your spelling.

4)  Getting added to people’s “fan” list isn’t a bit of fun: it’s a mission from God, an electoral campaign, and a heck of a lot of dumb luck.

5)  You spend every day wondering why your probably Pulitzer-winning bit of prose hasn’t been voted “pick of the day.”

6)   You get involved in conversations in the bar like: “I’m pissed. Some guy on Bleacher Report said…” or “I can’t believe it. Tony from Gainesville thinks that the Gators are going to win the SEC East. What does he know? Who’s Tony? He’s the guy I’ve been telling you about who posts on Bleacher Report. Get a life? You want a fight about that?”



 7)  Edited your work and other people’s stuff is a load of fun. In fact, there’s nothing you like more than loads of spelling mistakes and a badly written article. It makes you feel useful.
 
8) You start monitoring the amount of times you hit Bleacher Report in one day. You vow you’re not going to go the site 116 times again today. However, you do. In the end, you have to go to Bleacher Report Anonymous (BPA) meetings, and realize you're powerless and unmanageable over Bleacher Report. One visit to the site will lead to another and another. In addition, it'll affect your sex life, your work life, and your friend’s life. If you don't already have this problem, then you probably will. Trust me, this Bleacher Report stuff is addictive, man....

 9)  You start having an opinion ON everything. And write it up. And if you comment and you're wrong (as I foolishly did about Beanie Wells' fumbling of the ball in an article written about Ohio State), you'll get trampled), then you get corrected. By about 140 people. That's the downside the Bleacher Report drug.

10) The 10,000 hits on your stories are mostly you double and triple checking for comments. Or replying to someone else's. Or editing someone else's. Or editing your own.