Tour de France: I'm Here To Help

The following is from the critically acclaimed (if everyone's a critic, then my dad counts) sports blog The Love Boat. For more amazing writing like this, go check out the site.

Hey Cycling, 93 percent of ESPN's sportsnation says they don't care about your largest event.
89 percent of the international voters said they don't give a crap about your super bowl.
There were more Josh Hamilton bombs on Monday night than people I know who have watched one bit of cycling since the race started on the July 5.

You need some support. I'm here to give it. In cute, nicely organized list form.

1. Get rid of the yellow jersey. That's right, get rid of the yellow. When a cyclist wins a stage, they should be given a challenge not a bright piece of fabric. Stage winners should have to wear pads. Full on football pads. Football is America's favorite sport. America is the biggest market. Please the customers.

2. Put the biggest stars in the tabloids. Look around. Tom Brady and Tony Romo are on newsstands. A-Rod is causing a media frenzy.

Christiano Ronaldo is always a tabloid target. The biggest stars of the biggest sports get followed by the paparazzi, cycling needs to jump on board.

Perhaps the difficult part of this plan would be to find someone in the sport who actually could be considered a "star." Can you even name the best professional cyclist in the world? Can you even name a professional cyclist in the world?

3. Make it a contact sport. Remember this? Ya, it was on SportsCenter last December. Now tell me what other cycling picture you have ever seen on the World Wide Leader.

I hear those crickets. NASCAR allows bumping. And it's the fastest growing sport in the country.

Accidents draw viewers. People can't turn away from train crashes. They can turn away from the current cycling races...

4. Get Chris Berman on the broadcasts. Oh my bad. Attract fans to the sport not away from.

5. Get Erin Andrews on the broadcasts. Awww, this is better.

What you just read is from the critically acclaimed (if everyone's a critic, then my dad counts) sports blog The Love Boat. For more amazing writing like this, go check out the site.