Boston Police on a Search For Jason Varitek's Body (Satire)

The Boston Police Department has set out in search of the body of Jason Varitek. The Red Sox catcher was last seen behind the plate of Fenway Park for the first pitch. He shortly disappeared after the toss by Pedro Martinez and was not seen in the clubhouse afterwards.

Many people speculate that Red Sox catcher Victor Martinez was behind the plate yesterday because of Varitek's absence. After all, Varitek is the better of the two catchers and is the team captain. 

Other media sources jumped to conclusion and reported that the Red Sox captain was dead. 

Relatives close to the catcher say that he became very depressed after the Yankees won the World Series last year and that led to a downward spiral. The Red Sox then were looking more at Victor Martinez to be their full-time catcher in spring training.

Kevin Youkilis told reporters that he knew something was up with Varitek when he started to curl up in fetal position and cry in the Red Sox showers at their spring training complex. 

There has been a missing poster set up for Varitek throughout Beantown. One student at Boston University remembers seeing a man screaming for help as he was being thrown into a van. The license plate of the van said "V-Mart."

There will be a moment for prayer before the Yankees take on the Red Sox on Tuesday at Fenway for Varitek's safe return.

Update: The van is not registered to Victor Martinez, but a die-hard fan of the catcher. The driver is in custody and the police were able to recover a man that looks a lot like Varitek, but claims he is not the Red Sox catcher. Family members say that Varitek suffered from amnesia after A-Rod landed a punch on his face in 2004. 

The Red Sox called catcher Doug Mirabelli to be Varitek's replacement while the investigation ensues. This would be Mirabelli's third stint with the Red Sox and his first MLB appearance since 2007.

Dustin Pedroia has been named captain in Varitek's absence.