My Strange and Eclectic Top 100

100) NOT Bud Selig

99) The actual season ticket holder who sells you an extra ticket for face value in the parking lot

98-86) The fat guys like the Florida Manatees who dance for our amusement at sporting events these days

85-73) The beautiful women who replace them and purge those horrible visions from our eyes

72) That gamble-aholic who put a $100 on the Tampa Bay Rays to win the World Series and will collect 16 grand if they do

71) Orange Cone Man guiding you into your parking space

70) David Stern's cosmetologist

69) The black guy who goes to a small Midwestern town and claims to be a famous basketball player

68-53) The 15 white people who don't let him pay for a thing for three days until they figure out he isn't Kobe Bryant

52) The "in-the-hole" guy at the Masters or Pebble Beach

51) Bll Parcells' scary face

50) John Basedow's abs

49-41) Detroit Lions fans

40) Joey Buttafuoco

39-29) Ten of the hottest women's volleyball players posing nude

28) The gay man taking their pictures

27) Pete Rozelle's corpse

26-18) Steroid-free baseball players circa 1990-2005

17) That hockey guy missing those teeth—you know who I mean!

16) The no-nonsense soccer ref

15) The shameless-acting "injured soccer" player

14) During my freshman year of high school, that old guy who handed out the towels after gym class with this big smile....

13) Aaron Rodgers

12-8) The first relay track team

7) Jason Giambi's moustache

6) Joe Torre's eye-bags

5) Gen. Pervez Musharraf, titular head of Pakistan

4) Madonna's doorman

3) Roger Clemens (may be revised downwards)

2) Danica Patrick

1) YOU! The Bleacher Report reader!!!! Huh? Right? HUH??? Can I get an Amen?