Disgruntled fan makes plea for 52-week NFL season

While rumors continue to swirl that NFL officials will push for an 18-game regular season when the league’s collective bargaining agreement expires next year, a Texas man is already concerned the initiative will fail to meet the growing demands of the sport’s rabid fan base.

Anthony Rockhold Jr., of Baytown, Texas, said Wednesday he recently sent a registered letter to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell outlining his demands for a 36-week regular season and 16-week double-elimination playoff slate. Rockhold said he also sent copies of his emphatic plea to a variety of “damn important people” around the league, including ESPN personalities Chris Berman and Colin Cowherd, alleged journalist Peter King, and conservative talk-show host Glenn Beck.

Goodell unavailable for comment

“I’m gonna tell you somethin’ right off the bat — I ain’t watchin’ no damn Olympics!” shouted Rockhold to begin the rambling, 182-minute phone interview. “My wife tried to get me to watch that crap last night, and I told her I’d rather watch two squirrels gettin’ it on in my backyard than watch one of them damn figure skaters. A man ain’t supposed to watch the same sportin’ event as his woman. That’s just a scientific fact. The guy on the ESPN radio told me them Olympics weren’t no good, and I believe him! Hell, half them sports don’t even got a daggum ball!”

“I told that damn Goodell or whatever the hell his name is that I want my damn football every weekend. Hell, them ESPN boys talk about it on my radio every damn day all year long, why can’t I have my games every weekend?”

Rockhold said he engaged in a self-imposed hunger strike last Sunday for almost three hours to prove his point.

“I don’t understand why them boys think they need all that time off anyhow. Hell, they only gotta play once a week. I gotta work five days in a row down at the plant, you don’t see me complainin’ none,” Rockhold said.

When informed that some critics of an 18-game regular season have cited the possibility of an increase in concussions and overall injuries as reason for concern, Rockhold unleashed a string of expletives upon the interviewer before composing himself long enough to answer.

“Look, I got a damn plate in my head from where I fell off the damn scaffold down at the plant in ‘92, you don’t hear me pissin’ and moanin’,” he muttered. “They make a whole flippin’ bunch of money, they can get their sorry butts out there and entertain me.

“I want my damn football every Sunday, and I ain’t watchin’ no skate-wearin’, foreign-talkin’ sumbitch instead. So write that down on your damn computer!”

Sportspoop was unable to reach NFL officials for comment.