Kiffin Outlines USC Recruiting Strategy

As the college football world nervously awaited the results of the first recruiting class under new head coach Lane Kiffin, everyone soon found out it was business as usual in Hollywood!

Always the organizers, the SC coaches simplified the guidelines for recruits and all of us.  Please read closely!

High profile QB recruits can expect a Reggie Bush style home for the parents and an array of performance based incentives including SUV's and cash.

Running backs qualify for a Condo and SUV, and/or cash payments upon need.  Laker tickets can be Heisman incentives.

Ends and other skilled offensive positions can expect apartments and jobs for their family.

Offensive lineman also qualify for beach rentals, gifts and jobs for relatives.  Cash awards and vehicles can be supplied if recruit is really high profile and his name is Henderson.

The defensive players of course, have a different set of guidelines.

Defensive linemen qualify for a beach rental supplied with women and beer.  Rental car will be provided for outstanding service.

High calibre recruits at the LB and DB positions can expect the same benefits awarded to offensive ends.

Finally, don't forget the warning!  A scholarship at Hollywood U is awarded on a performance based semester to semester basis.  Your scholarship can be revoked at any time due to performance or injury or to make way for another high profile recruit.

Remember to keep your cell phone on and your textbooks closed 24/7.  You never know when coach is going to call!