Don't Watch an Arsenal or Real Madrid Game, Watch Quidditch Instead

Arsenal, Manchester United, Chelsea, Liverpool, Real Madrid, FC Barcelona, AC Milan, Inter Milan, AS Roma, Bayern Munich, Lyon, Marseille, Ajax, PSV Eindhoven; these are all clubs many people have wasted time watching.

For some strange reason, many people worldwide love watching football; the English Premier League reportedly attracts something like over 500,000,000 viewers for big game clashes like Arsenal vs. Manchester United.

Anyway, regardless of whether you think Serie A or La Liga is better, or whether you think football in Asia or South America is the best, you silly cretins invest ludicrous amounts of money and time in this poxy sport.

Instead of wasting time watching football and that crappy event called the 2010 FIFA World Cup Final (or something like that), why not do the good thing and watch some Quidditch (the greatest sport on earth, made famous by the Harry Potter films)?

Forget football and watching pansies like Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi "flying down the flanks"; surely, watching players literally fly down the flanks with their Nimbus 2000 broomsticks is much better.

You think the likes of Roy Keane and Patrick Vieira were good at taking players out of the game? They're nothing compared to the two bludgers (balls made of iron, unlike Keane or Vieira), which literally do take players out of the game.

And watching football for 90 minutes is way too long, isn't it? Yoosof Farah, the seeker for the USA's best ever Quidditch team, the Sweetwater All-Stars (who are, coincidentally, from Sweetwater in Texas), thinks so.

That's why Quidditch is so good; the game ends when the seeker (someone like the legendary Yoosof Farah) finds and catches the snitch (a small, golden ball with wings that flies around), and don't worry, it doesn't take a whole 90 minutes!

On a side note, forget that seeker of the Bulgaria national team, Viktor Krum. Yoosof Farah is a much better seeker, and recently won the most prestigous prize in the worldwide sport of Quidditch: the "2009 Really Really Sh*t But Not The Worst In The World Because My Grandmother Is Probably Slightly Worse Quidditch Seeker Award".

Lastly, do you ever get that problem when you can't watch that big game in the UEFA Champions League or the FA Cup or something because all the tickets are gone?

Well, don't worry, unlike the dodgy Nou Camp which only holds around 98,000 spectators, Quidditch stadiums have a much greater capacity.

The standard capacity of almost all Quidditich stadiums is around 1,000,000. While that is, of course, not a lot (especially compared to Gillingham FC's stadium in football, the krbs Priestfield), it's still better than nothing.

And in any case, that capacity can usually be altered if you're trained in the dark arts, you've got your wand at the ready, and can perform a few little spells on the stadium.

So, why waste time watching football? Do you really think the likes of Steven Gerrard, Wayne Rooney, Fernando Torres, and Dongdang Wongalong are good athletes?

They are nothing compared to the likes of Yoosof Farah, Viktor Krum, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley, who are not only the best Quidditch players you've ever seen, but also the greatest athletes in sport that have ever lived.

Why? Because they play the real greatest sport on earth, Quidditch.

So next time your mate says, "Wanna go to the Emirates and watch Arsenal?", just look him in the eye, give him the look , and reply, "Sorry mate I can't, I've got Quidditch ."

If you're a Facebook user, please join this group and show your support for Quidditch!