Bobby Bowden Loves Pom-Poms

A ton of you asked me how Bobby Bowden feels about his retirement, being second to Joe Pa in wins, and more recently FSU vacating 12 wins from his record.  I just finished up my conversation with him.

Me: Hey Coach, how you doing this morning?

Bowden:  I'm okay and you can call me Bobby now Jerry... I'm not a coach any more.

Me:  I can't call you Bobby, that's too generic.  How about Mr. Bowden?

Bowden: Bobby will be just fine.  When people hear Bobby they think of me.  What other Bobby out there is more recognizable than me?

Me:  I guess you're right.  So you want to just be known by you're first name now, like a one named wonder?

Bowden:  Yea.  Kind of like Prince or Sting, just with out all the femininity.  So what's on your mind boy? 

Me: Well I've been getting all these letters asking about all that's gone on with you recently. So, how's it feel being retired?

Bowden:  I don't feel retired.  I feel fired.  Let go.  We all know I didn't want to quit.  Now what am I going to do?  Watch Jumbo Shrimp try to fill my shoes?  I'd rather go help my sons learn how to actually win some football games, so I think that's what I'll do.  Try to get them back on the coaching scene to keep the Bowden legacy alive since FSU wouldn't let that happen.

Me:  No time off?  No vacationing?

Bowden:  My life is a vacation.  All those college girls for the last 50 some odd years.  What's better than that?  I love when they're screaming my name, jumping up and down with their pom-poms.  I love those big, nice, perfectly shaped, youthful plump pom-poms. 

Me: Pom-poms huh?  What about finishing second to Joe Pa in wins?

Bowden:  That doesn't matter to me.  He got the better opportunity.  He's been a head coach a lot longer than I have.  I'm fine with that... as long as I still get to see pom-poms.

Me: You like pom-poms huh?

Bowden: What do you think kept me around so long?  I accomplished everything I ever wanted before the turn of the century.  I was the coach of the year, had multiple national and conference championships under my deluxe sized belt.  I was already old so I could have called it quits, but I can't get a nice pair of ripe pom-poms sitting at home.  The pom-poms I got there are as old as I am!

Me: Pom-poms are nice.  That's why I work here.  Tallahassee has some of the nicest pom-poms I've ever seen. 

Bowden:  Now you're talkin'.

Me:  Well what about FSU vacating 12 of your wins?

Bowden:  Pom-poms.  (Starts shaking his head) That's the only thing pom-poms did wrong to me.  See I can't blame my student athletes.  They couldn't concentrate on their school work and had to cheat in order to pass because they had so many pom-poms in their face.  Who can blame them?

Me:  I can't.  I know I've cheated before.  If you ain't cheatin' you ain't tryin' right Bobby?

Bowden:  Yup.  Pom-poms help me do that all the time.  Try, cheat, and succeed. 

(Knock, knock.  Busty girl walks in the door to speak with Bowden.)

Bowden:  Ah, pom-poms. 

Me:  Talk to you later, Bobby.