What I Am Here For: Pac-10 Mascots

With everyone else coming onto this site to write articles about how great their team is and why they are going to go undefeated this football season, I decided that I am going to take a different route.

My posts will be all about how much different teams piss me off, or at least look at some of the other aspects of college football besides the team.  That could be the cheerleaders, the crowd, the bands—like I said, any and every aspect of the college football season.

Before I begin with the first annoyance...let us have a moment of silence for UGA the VI, the Georgia mascot who passed away last night of heart failure.

Since we're on the topic of mascots, let's look at all of the Pac-10 mascots.

Arizona: Wilbur the Wildcat

A school should only have one mascot.  Arizona proudly boasts Wilbur the Wildcat, who married Wilma the Wildcat.  That just doesn't seem fair.

Luckily, Wilma cursed the football program by falling off a pier into the ocean at the 1998 Holiday Bowl—coincidentally, Arizona has not been to a bowl game since.  Maybe if the two of them made love after the game, people would stick around until the end.

Arizona State: Sparky the Sun Devil

ASU had several mascot ideas before settling on the Sun Devil in 1946, such mascots being the bulldogs, owls, and the "normals."  I can see why they decided to go with Sun Devils instead of "normals."

This mascot runs around with his little pitchfork, creepy smile that is a reminder of scary clowns at your local traveling circus, and evil Frenchman-like mustache.  I'm sure I am not the only one who hopes he accidentally impales himself on his pitchfork.

California: Oski the Bear

Does anyone else think this bear looks like he fell on his face one too many times?  This is the worst-looking bear mascot I have ever seen.  If I was a little kid coming to the game, I would be scared out of my mind looking at him.  I think Oski needs to fight a real bear at halftime—then there will be a reason for him to look like he is missing a chromosome.

Oregon: Puddles the Duck

Look...I love Oregon.  It's my team.  But couldn't we have come up with an original mascot instead of using Donald Duck and changing its name?  I know we have a handshake agreement with Walt Disney, but come on.

Nike's Mandrake Duck was a huge letdown—he was released in 2003 and never showed up again.  Props on beating the crap out of the Houston Cougar, though—that was rad.

Oregon State: Benny the Beaver

Oregon State's first mascot was a Coyote, but they switched to the beaver in the late 1800s.  Why would anyone change their mascot from a Coyote to a Beaver?  The only reason I can think of is so the mascot looks more like the people in the town.

Stanford: Cardinal

A common mistake about Stanford's mascot: Cardinal refers to the color, not the bird.  Cardinal is a deep red color which Stanford adopted as its mascot in the late 1800s.

First off, a color?  REALLY?  That's your mascot?  Where did the tree come from that runs around at football games?  What does that have to do with your mascot?

This is the kind of logic your brain can't process—don't think about it too long or your brain might kill you.  Maybe the geniuses at Stanford have some ridiculous math equation that created the link between Cardinal and a Tree...but probably not.  If they were geniuses, their team might actually win.

UCLA: Joe the Bruin

For those that don't know, a Bruin is just another name for a brown bear.  This is yet another school with two mascots, Joe and Josephine—way to be creative with the names.  Even the Arizona mascots have two names that are slightly different.  At least these mascots actually look like bears instead of Cal's sorry excuse for a mascot.

USC: Trojan

Trojan—so many lame high school jokes right there.  Sorry if your mascot has a name, but frankly, I couldn't care less.  The Trojans were great warriors and all, but...didn't they lose?  I think we all learned that in high school, so I assume your founder didn't have a High School degree.

Washington: Harry the Husky

The original mascot at Washington was the "Sun Dodger," which is much more appropriate for the school.  Thank god this mascot actually looks like a husky though.  With a lack of things to make fun of this mascot for, I conclude with, "Huck the Fuskies!"

Washington State: Butch the Cougar

A cougar was presented to the university by the Washington Governor in 1919.  The student body named it Butch, by request of the governor.  Butch T. Cougar, I believe, is the only Pac-10 mascot with a middle name.  Way to be different guys.

Now the Cougar is a student in a costume, and is another mascot that looks like its been hit in the face with a shovel.  Bring back the live Cougars—that's way cooler, and maybe if you're lucky the Cougar will eat an opposing player.