Triple H To Win the Royal Rumble and Main Event WrestleMania Again?

WrestleMANIA!!!

After a certain Triple H declared that he WILL be winning the Royal Rumble there were some VERY disturbing facts noted: 

1. Triple H main evented six of the last 10 WrestleManias.

2.  When Hunter says he’s going to win, he usually can make it happen.

Now I’m aware that a sizable portion of the WWE Universe loves Hunter in spite of the fact that his main selling point nowadays is that he’s a 40 year old man who is fluent in Hornswogglish. Then again, while I could rant about how an up and coming star needs to win the Rumble, the fact is WWE has jobbed most of them out. MVP and Kofi haven’t won matches of significance lately, Jo Mo is lacking momentum and Vladimir Kozlov is, Vladimir Kozlov. It says a lot when John Cena, who has been in the main event of WWE for a very long time, is the freshest (realistic) contender from RAW for the title.

With Big Show, HBK and HHH as our other main RAW Rumble contenders, TNA need not worry about being stuck in the past.

The All-American American Losing Streak

It feels like it’s been ages since Jack Swagger showed up on RAW and declared he was going to begin a winning streak. Famous last words it seems, with Swagger attempting to resuscitate that gimmick last week on RAW by saying that he’d win the Royal Rumble before issuing an Over the Top Rop Challenge.

So it made perfect sense for his Rumble aspirations to be taken seriously for all over 53 seconds before Santino Marella tossed him over the top rope. At least on Week No. 2 of the Jack Swagger Invitational, Mark Henry threw him over the top rope. Now that IS progress.

Jobber-Mania/Bad Guy No. 1 vs Bad Guy No. 20

Sheamus faces off with Randy Orton at the Rumble, so these two needed to build up a feud quickly. The Celtic Warrior got the ball rolling by squashing everybody’s favourite punch bag Evan Bourne (Did WWE Creative forget we saw this match a few weeks ago?).

The Viper meanwhile RKO’ed Chris Masters, overcoming the might of man boobs and Eve Torres. It’s kind of ironic to see Chris jobbing out; I seem to remember just four years ago WWE was trying to make us believe Masters was a real contender for the WWE Title.

Now it’s obvious that WWE are doing everything to get the Universe to hate Sheamus, and putting him in the ring with Randy Orton is supposedly meant to do that.  However Vince wants to go PG, and to get the kids interested in a match they would certainly prefer to see a good guy involved. No one wants to see the Green Goblin vs the Sandman, Spiderman 3 proved that kind of match-up sucks.

E-C-Abe, E-C-Abe!!!

You know things are really bad when you miss Abraham Washington. Santino Marella was our guest host this week and he took the Abe Washington Show to a whole new level of extreme garbage. Santino’s guest was Vladimir Kozlov, who proceeded to flush down what little credibility he had by identifying Hannah Montana as one of his three favourite things about America.

Yep, that’s right. The third biggest face (arguably) on ECW, saying he’s a Hannah Montana fan.

Somewhere, Paul Heyman is crying.

Thankfully Christian and William Regal gave us a good main event. However it goes without saying, take away Christian and ECW is about as pointless to WWE as Bubba the Love Sponge is to TNA.

Resting Without Peace

Smackdown! this week was a tiny bit static in the storyline department. Punk is still saving the World one drug addict at a time, while Mickie James put on a couple more pounds. Oh, and everyone and their granddaddy wants to put the Undertaker down for the three count at Wrestlemania. Right now, only Michelle McCool can keep the Deadman down for the 1-2-3-4...

Moving ON, Batista and Kane both got their fill of JobberMANIA this week. Just to make a point Kane destroyed Charlie Haas, Mike Knox, and Cryme Tyme all at once. I really appreciate the lengths that WWE goes to try and make us believe Kane will main event WrestleMania, but did they really need to decimate a quarter of the tag team division in the process?

Batista on the other hand took out Finlay, whom I guess isn’t such a big fan of fighting anymore. The Animal got on the stick afterwards, saying that Finlay represented all the other Rumble competitors. I’m not sure what Dave’s thinking, but we sure as hell are not expecting to see a bunch of 50-year old enhancement talents in the Royal Rumble.

OK, I’ll get serious now. If Batista actually does win, one would expect him to be facing Taker at WM. That is worrying, given the quality (or lack thereof) of their match at TLC.

We should end on a more positive note, so props to SD! for making Rey Mysterio a believable challenger for Taker’s title while keeping his tension with Batista alive. This isn’t a massively intriguing feud, but it is certainly eye catching and I look forward to their match at the Rumble, definitely more so than Orton vs Sheamus.

And that’s all for my recap of this week in the WWE. I will be back next week (unfortunately). As always, comments and feedback and rejections and hate and slander of all forms are appreciated! Peace and love!