Brett Favre to Jay Leno: “You my boy!” – AP Reports

Jay Leno, shown above, NOT acting like a total dick to Conan O'Brien

In a hastily drawn press conference this afternoon, Brett Favre assembled media both local and national in order to offer support to embattled NBC late night host Jay Leno.

Recently, Leno has been embroiled in a controversy concerning the future of NBC’s long-dominant late night programming franchise.  Leno, the former host of the “Tonight Show” (11:35pm EST, weekdays on your local NBC affiliate) was replaced last summer by the younger comic and long time “Late Night” host, Conan O’Brien.  This move, presaged many years earlier when NBC began grooming O’Brien as Leno’s successor, was heralded as a changing of the guard on network TV.  Though O’Brien’s take-over of the “Tonight Show” had thought to have been scripted with Leno’s approval, Leno stunned most entertainment observers last spring by announcing that he was not “walking away” from television and essentially blackmailing NBC executives into offering his own new show, “The Jay Leno Show,” in fear of Leno moving to another competing network in the same time slot as O’Brien.  The new Leno show began airing last summer as well, in the 10:00pm network slot, a move most industry insiders referred to as “a curious idea at best, and at worst, totally retarded.”

With Leno’s show having done fantastically poorly in its new slot, the network has agreed to return Leno to his former “Tonight Show” slot, a move which has “completely pissed off” Conan O’Brien, widely heralded as one of the premier comics and class acts in the entertainment business.  Many have also questioned Leno’s motives for backsliding on earlier agreements with O’Brien and the network.

Back to Favre.

In Favre’s conference today, he publically announced that he “supports Jay Leno 3000 percent, if that’s, you know, even possible.”

Added Favre, “I’ve never been good at math.  But what I am good at is playing ‘ball.  And just like I can play ‘ball like I was born to do it, that Leno — boy, does he make me laugh — man, he knows his way around a obvious punchline.”

Favre went on to provide the details of a lovely afternoon spent in Hollywood, fresh after winning his one and only Super Bowl title.  After a taping of the “Tonight Show,” Favre spent the rest of the day cruising up and down Sunset Strip with Jay Leno and “Kev” [Kevin Eubanks, Leno's inoffensively-bland longtime sidekick and bandleader in one of Leno's shows] in one of Leno’s many restored Ford Model A’s.

Said Favre,

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“the whole experience gave me a new appreciation for [Leno's] charm and just how much that man loves to play football, I mean host television.  And I cannot believe that the Green Bay Packers, I mean, NBC would even consider replacing a first-ballot Hall of Famer, I mean comic of [Leno's] stature, with a younger and better, I mean, funnier replacement…even if it is for the good — and the future — of the Green Bay franchise, I mean NBC.”

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“In short, Jay Leno – you my boy!”

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Favre then concluded by saying,

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“Oh, and Aaron Rodgers can suck it too.”

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For his part, reports indicate Conan O’Brien is currently completing negotiations with FOX to host a competing late night program so that he can “totally stick it to that [expletive], big-chinned [expletive], two-face scumbag [expletive] and the cabal of aging network hessians over at headquarters of my former employer [NBC] who totally [expletive] stabbing me in the [expletive] groin.”

In related news, Aaron Rodgers threw for over 8,000 yards and 59 touchdowns in his first two years as a starting NFL quarterback for the Green Bay Packers.  At press-time, Rodgers was also only 26 years old at not yet in the prime of his career.

On Brett Favre's Facebook Page (profile pic above) he lists his hobbies as: "Calling Press Conferences" and "Dressing Before Football Games in My Own, Private Locker Room"

[[This story is a fake AP story; a satire.  No one at the AP even knows that this fake story exists and no one at Venuist cares to actually argue about Brett Favre, his legacy, or his 2009 stats one way or the other.  Thanks!]]