Showing Your True Sports Passion…in 90 Minutes

8:00 – You finish doing your last Louisville Chugger in the parking lot with your boys and start walking into the arena for the big game.  Totally rules that you finally got tickets to the annual Mizzou-Illinois basketball game.  Gonna get totally hammered.

8:15 – You’re going hoarse from starting so many “M-I-Z” chants so your boys can finish them out with a “Z-O-U”.  The fact that you’ve been talking shit to every Illini fan about how this is the year the Tigers take them down isn’t helping.  It’s all good though, because if you lose your voice, it just makes those jokes about Illinois coach Bruce Weber’s throat problem that much funnier!

8:37 – Not even ten minutes after tip-off you’ve already almost gotten into your first fight.  Probably won’t be your last. Ticket brokers should have never given you seats this close to the Illinois section of the stadium. 

9:25 – Five minutes until halftime and, though you’ve been masking it for the better part of the last two weeks by acting like you really cared about Mizzou basketball, you’re finally to the point where you can’t hold it in any longer.  This isn’t about basketball.  This is about the halftime “Liberty Pose” competition to see whether Mizzou or Illinois’ male cheerleaders can hold their chicks up longer.  The Illini have won a few years in a row, but let’s see how they handle the new 300-pound monster the Tigers brought in this year.  The guy could hold a chick up for like two hours if he wanted to…while eating a sandwich. 

9:30 – After what seemed like the longest, most tense two minutes of your life, Mizzou’s beef finally outlasts them all!  When that last male cheerleader in blue finally collapsed, something inside you bubbled to the surface like you’ve never experienced. 

So this is what pure, unabashed exhilaration feels like? 

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