NFL Stands For Nutty Fan Litigation

Colts fans are really, really angry.

Angrier than a toddler with croup. Angrier than the Incredible Hulk.

So angry they allegedly harassed Colts President Bill Polian off the air ten minutes early on his own radio show . 

Remind me never to anger Indiana. I wouldn't like them when they were angry.

When they are angry (or wronged), they sue. Or more accurately, members of the Indianapolis City council—who, like Congress , seem to have nothing more pressing to occupy their time—are looking to sue for them .

I'm not totally sure who is doing what but for what it's worth, I think it's both understandable yet also ridiculous to sue over this.

On the one hand, nobody can argue the Colts tried their hardest to win the game with the Jets.

Maybe popping Peyton Manning back into the game late might have made the fans feel better. But you just don't pull him midway through the game and then lose while still keeping your competitive credibility intact.

On the other hand, your ticket entitles you to many things—but one of those things isn't a win or even an effort to achieve a win.

It may be implied, but it isn't a promise written in stone—or on the ticket. Regardless, all I can say is, glad I'm not the judge.

Besides, if anyone in Indy should be suing, it should be back-up quarterback Curtis Painter. Talk about the 'no-win scenario'.

Welcome to the NFL, Rook.

In thinking about the Colts and their fans, I realized there are probably many groups of disgruntled people out there who could be feeling a tad frisky.

So I reached out to Twitter as well as some fellow podcasters and writers to see what might force them—or their friends and fans—to drive to the local lawyer.

As always, the results were not disappointing.

Some were silly, some were serious, but all were interesting and entertaining.

I would sue the Rams/Lions/Chiefs/Bills for a crappy season

This was about the most common tweet or e-mail I got. In one case, an e-mailer wrote in very specific detail how he had been wronged by the Rams, not just this season, but for several in a row. Bad drafts, poor coaching, bad free agent signings. It was all there.

I got less lawsuit requests for the Lions involving former GM/train wreck Matt Millen than I expected, though he was involved in one angry email we'll get to in a minute.

If fans of the Colts would like some perspective, maybe I can put you in touch with the fans of some teams who, in some cases, didn't win 14 in two seasons, much less one. 

Football blogger @JeremyNPike tweeted a funny, but true one.

"The Bills for reckless endangerment and gross negligence of any QB who lines up under center and disappearance of T.O."

I'm not blaming the Bills for the disappearance of one Terrell Owens, in part because he is so very good at hiding on his own. I think the reckless endangerment charge might stick though—at least if you ask Trent Edwards.

Fellow scribe @A_E_M threw out several, the first one being the nugget below.

"...the fact that they have AARP players (B Favre) but dont give AARP discounts."

I have no idea if not being eligible for said discounts is accurate. We already know the league is only just getting on board with looking out for it's elder statesmen, so it wouldn't shock me if there were no senior discounts.

On the other hand, does any sport do that?

@fantasyf00tball tweeted one that he called 'The Shannahan Clause' and I call the 'Fantasy Football Owner Lament'.

"I'd sue Kubiak for not settling on a running back."

Nobody who has ever played fantasy football has ever seen a Denver coach (former or current) allow for predictability in their backfields. The aforementioned Shannahan killed owners for years with his mix-and-match backfields. Kubiak did it this year with his gang in the Texans' running back group.

Heck, current Broncos coach Josh McDaniels played with our emotions for much of the 2009 season, alternating between veteran Correll Buckhalter and rookie Knowshon Moreno.

A judge might throw this out—at this point there is implied risk. On the other hand, these guys need to come with warning labels.

At worst, maybe we can get the Surgeon General to slap some on their fantasy drafts: "Contents may cause headaches, dizziness and early ejection from the fantasy playoffs."

Here's one I got three different flavors of, though they all came down to the same sentiment.

I'd like to sue the league for not letting Ochocinco wear Chris Henry's jersey.

All three e-mailers—Tito from NY, Ed and STKLM1 from parts unknown—all felt very strongly that the league erred in not allowing the man formerly known as Chad Johnson to honor his friend in this simple way.

Ed said he wasn't a Bengal fan, but thought that given the situation as well as the fact that both players played the same position, the impact should have been negligible and the gesture allowed.

I asked him whether he would have felt the same way in regards to Sean Taylor, who died in 2007 from a gunshot would inflicted during an attempted robbery at his house.

Ed said some things transcend rules and yes, if a teammate had wanted to honor Taylor in that way, then what's the big deal?

I don't disagree. It all worked out for everyone involved with the Chris Henry thing, but I never saw the harm in Ochocinco's request to begin with.

Back on the lighter side, @A_E_M came back with this tweet.

"What I would def sue for is not the NFL but ESPN for their MNF crew, can we get 3 ppl that actually can stay neutral?"

I got a similar e-mail from Dean in Texas who swore that another season of the NFLN crew of Millen and Collinsworth would force him to either drink himself to death or shoot his television.

It's almost a yearly complaint about one or both of the weeknight game crews.

Neither crew is an incredibly compelling booth on the order of a Madden/Michaels. Few out there are.

Both booths have their downsides. On occasion I've heard both Millen and Collinsworth drop a few comments that make me go "what the heck?"

But I have also heard some good analysis. I'm hoping they get better as time goes on and honestly, anything is better than having Bryant Gumbel in the booth, because I'm at least reasonably sure Millen knows the names of the players.

ESPN has yet to put together a booth to unanimous applause, though firing/releasing /letting Tony Kornheiser leave was met with pretty large amounts of joy. I like Ron Jaworski and Mike Tirico quite a bit and Gruden brings a ton to the table, but A_E_M isn't wrong—occasionally it gets pretty cloying in the booth.

Still, there's no Gumbel/Kornheiser so, I'm good.

For this last one, I could have gone several ways. There were Chicago fans who want to sue over the Cutler trade (Gaines Adams was worse, folks), people who want to sue Browns Coach Eric Mangini for being Mangini, and many a Raider fan who wants to sue Al Davis for sole custody of the franchise—often citing some form of dementia.

In reality, it's no contest though.

Nobody seems to be angrier than the Redskins fanbase.

For those who aren't up on it, when Washington Redskins ticket holders were hit with hard times and asked out of their ticket agreements, the team did what any sensitive corporation would be obliged to do—they sued their fans .

The common sentiment from the missives I got was something I can't repeat here (I mean it's the Internet, but we try to keep it clean) involving owner Dan Snyder and where he can spend his winter break as well as enough activities to keep him very busy.

To be honest, only one referred to the Redskins' fan-aimed lawsuits but none of them were particularly pleasant in feeling towards the ownership. They love their Skins, but Snyder...well, that's another matter.

Taken in total though, most of these e-mails involved wresting control of the team from Snyder and a few might have mentioned burying him Jimmy Hoffa-style under an end zone.

See Colts fans? It could be worse. You feel your franchise quit on you, but at least they aren't showing up at your door with a subpoena.

 If you have a lawsuit you would dearly love to see delivered to a NFL team or individual, drop it in the comments! More articles like this can be found on ThunderingBlurb.com .