Manny Pacquiao, Floyd Mayweather are 'Bothered,' Bloodthirsty – AP reports

 

Manny Pacquiao, above, in happier times

 

Send back the cases of air puffed cheese doodles. Put the light beer back in the fridge. Cut off your illegal Pay-Per-View tap (wait… scratch that last one).

The prize fight for the welterweight title between Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather has been called off. Accusations between both camps were a-flying:

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“Floyd to me is a coward and he’s always been a coward, but a coward because he’s afraid to face someone who could beat him.”

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So said Bob Arum to the Grand Rapids Press, perhaps unfairly presuming anyone actually cares.

The whole spat stems from the Achilles heel of every professional athlete: drug testing. Team Mayweather wants the other side to submit to more rigorous Olympic-style testing—which, in the past, has proven successful by preventing track star Marion Jones from winning three gold medals and two bronze medals in the 2000 Summer Games. [[Editors note: wait, scratch that.]]

Camp Manny would rather submit to Nevada State Gaming Commission testing, which involves peeing in a cup before the fight and after the fight. The Olympic testing involves taking random blood and urine samples. Manny was concerned about the blood and urine samples, allegedly saying, “There’s no way they’d make me pee in my own blood.”

Above: Inept boxer-vampire Mike Tyson.

 

For his part, Mayweather can understand Pacquiao’s disquietude with regards to testing. There are valid concerns that boxing is rife with vampires, and—obviously—vampires have zero use for urine (unless someone kicks you in the testes and you start peeing blood; but even then, this is frowned upon in the vampire community and is only considered in emergency situations).

Fresh Blood, one of the few things that does not "bother" Robert Pattinson

 

Still, Mayweather is hopeful the situation can be ameliorated and the two groups could come to a compromise. “I really want to make this happen,” he said as he licked his lips and added, “…bleah!”