Advice to Kansas City Royals Fans: Start Drinking Early

Unknown Royals FanContributor IDecember 19, 2009

MILWAUKEE - MAY 14: Jason Kendall #18 of the Milwaukee Brewers catches a foul ball against the Florida Marlins on May 14, 2009 at Miller Park in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The Brewers defeated the Marlins 5-3. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)
Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

So, I’ve been sitting around thinking about the Jason Kendall acquisition.  You really have to hand it to Dayton Moore. 

He shrewdly snagged a 36-year-old catcher who slugs like Tony Pena, Jr., by making him an offer nobody else would (everyday duty), and then topping it with a $6 million, 2-year contract. 

How in the WORLD does he make these acquisitions?

I think it’s fair to say that my faith in GMDM is gone. He’s obviously the second coming of Allard “The Genius” Baird. 

And while we’re at it, I think some apologies are due the Glass family. 

Follow my logic here: The urban legend around Kansas City had it that the only reason the Genius was so awful as a GM was that he continued getting interference from the Glass family...assuming, of course, you can picture David Glass pounding the boardroom table and thundering, “I said I want JOHN BUCK, dammit!” 

That said, one thing that all the writers agree on is that the Glass family is leaving Moore alone...and, yet, we’re getting the same results. 

It seems to me that if in fact the Glass family was interfering with the Genius, they were doing so in an effort to provide some level of adult supervision.

OK, enough with that. 

Back to the Jake Taylor, er, Jason Kendall acquisition (for those of you who don’t remember, Jake Taylor was Tom Berenger’s catcher character in Major League).

Joe Posnanski keyed on the utterly moronic comment by Trey Hillman about Kendall “running well for a catcher,” as if this is a primary skill of the position. 

I prefer a different quote, in which GMDM commented that Kendall “should be able to help Luke Hochevar and Kyle Davies.” 


First of all, I’m not sure anything short of a sorcerer would help those two. 

Let’s keep in mind that they were/are two of the worst starting pitchers in the majors last year. 

Hochevar was particularly awful, going 7-13 with a 6.55 ERA. 

But here’s what bothers me about this quote.

With the constant craptacular performances of Luke and Kyle, this is the point where a rational GM would do one of two things:

  • 1.  Change the parameters; i.e. try these guys in the pen to see if they are savable as relievers.
  • 2.  Cut your losses, say “we screwed up,” and try again with different pitchers.

GMDM does neither. 

Instead, he doubles down on two crappy pitchers by assuring that the Royals will have the worst starting catcher in MLB

That, folks, is how you consistently lose 90 games per year.

In fact, not even a Hollywood scriptwriter would attempt to construct a scenario like this; that’s why Major League’s Taylor only made the league minimum.

Credit where credit is due: John Buck is gone, as are Mark Teahen, Mike Jacobs, John Bale, and Miguel Olivo (I have a feeling that Olivo will get more popular this year as fans watch Kendall creak around behind the plate and see second base less than a high school senior who plays live–action Dungeons and Dragons). 

In are Chris Getz and Josh Fields. 

Getz will get the second base assignment, providing marginally better defense with a fraction of the offense of Alberto Callaspo. 

Fields...well, who knows? 

Butler figures to take most of the reps at first base, and few positions in MLB are more sacrosanct than Alex Gordon’s claim on third base (for God knows what reason). 

If Fields gets many at-bats, look for them to be at the DH slot.

And, Royals fans, it can still get worse. 

I really get the feeling that GMDM would love to move Alberto Callaspo, despite his .300/.356/.457 effort last year.  If Moore wants a taker for Callaspo, he’ll find one...and probably get taken in the process. 

Callaspo’s defensive sins at second could, of course, be mitigated by putting him at third base (he has the arm and quickness for the position and played well there in substitute roles), left field, or DH, but all indications are that Moore’s new mantra is “defense,” so I would look for the second-best hitter in the organization to be somewhere else by spring.

Royals Fantasy Camp has been cancelled for 2010. 

If that’s not a symbol of apathy, I don’t know what is.  Perhaps the old guys are just waiting for a regular spring tryout.

All indications at this point are that the R’s will, if anything, be more pathetic than in 2009. 

One-hundred losses, here we come!