Top 7: Christmas Songs

When perusing the Top 7 archives, it came to my attention that within the yearly Christmas lists, there was no Top 7 Christmas songs!  This is an outright travesty and needed to change, so here you go.  These are the best Christmas songs of all-time.  A few notes—first, only one artist per version.  Hall and Oates may have a great Jingle Bell Rock version, but it wasn’t better than the one on the list.  Secondly, this could easily be a Top 55 list, I have 60 Christmas songs on my playlist and add at least three to four more a year (and it’s hard to make the cut).  With Christmas songs, it’s very hard to come up with something that sounds original and different, but once one does, it’s in the rotation for life.  It’s probably one of the reasons why artists still put albums out (with the main reason being that people are suckers to buy them and it takes them about one take to record them).  Onto the list.

7. Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town, Bruce Springsteen
It’s your rare live Christmas song, and Bruce brings it with the greatest version of the most popular song to be played at school winter sings.  Based on the crowd reaction, you can tell that they are quite confused as to why he’s playing a Christmas song or what is going on, as they aren’t playing along very well.  Another question—does a guy dressed as Santa come onto the stage towards the end?  You can hear someone ho, ho, hoing, is that a sound effect or an actual guy?  Any rock star that would bring Santa onto the stage, or merely sing a Christmas song, is one of the top 1% of performers of all-time.  Sports question—has anyone named “Bruce,” or anyone with the long “u” sound in their name, not had that chanted at them by their home crowd?  Bruce, Lou Brock, even freaking JD Drew had it done for him.

6. Christmas Lights, Coldplay
Coldplay had themselves a segment on 60 Minutes last year, and played a portion of their new Christmas song for Steve Kroft, a tiny, tiny, portion at that.  It was fantastic!  They said that the song would be released in time for the holidays, and no such song has been recorded.  Not since Dr. Dre kept pushing back the release date of Snoop Doggy Dogg’s “Doggystyle” have I been so disappointed by a non-musical release.  Christmas music is like the Russian guys Worm has played cards with in Rounders for 36 straight hours, it’s starved for some new blood.  Putting this song into the rotation would go a long way, and then five years down the road, someone can re-make it.###MORE###

5. Do They Know it’s Christmas, Band Aid
It’s an outstanding Christmas song as long as you don’t listen to the lyrics a whole lot, in which case it comes off more than a little depressing.  As far as that goes though, it can’t come close to holding up to “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.”  The song is about someone’s grandma getting plowed over by an 800-pound moose, while the rest of the family sends her gifts back and her husband plays cards and drinks beer.  What a bunch of evil pricks!

4. Wonderful Christmastime, Paul McCartney
Now a list of ones that could have easily made a Top 20: Blue Christmas by Elvis, O Holy Night by Mariah Carey and that children’s choir in Home Alone, Grinch, a couple of Transsiberian Orchestra songs, Mistletoe and Holly by Frank Sinatra, the “doo doo doo doo dup dup” White Christmas, Christmas (Please Come Home) by Mariah Carey or U2, and Run Rudolph Run by Chuck Berry.  Speaking of the last one, no one has really done a signature version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  That sounds like a void that could be filled by Hanson!  They need a sequel to the classic Christmas album “Snowed In,” after all.

3. Jingle Bell Rock, Bobby Helms
Before there was “Now that’s What I Call Christmas,” there was Billboard Top Christmas Hits, 1955-to-present.  Instead of putting random crap on there like songs by Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears (though if “My Only Wish” came on, I wouldn’t turn it off), the Billboard version had just 10 tracks, all outstanding Christmas songs, and it’s the rare CD that you could play straight through without being annoyed once.  The Helms version of Jingle Bell Rock led off the CD, making it the Rickey Henderson of opening Christmas CD tracks.  For the best opening track of all-time of any CD, I may have to go with “Wanna Be Startin’ Something” by Michael Jackson or “Ambitions as a Rider” by 2 Pac.

2. Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, Brenda Lee
Going back to the old Billboard CD, this was track #2, making it easily the best back-to-back tracks in Christmas music history.  This particular song probably has the most solid versions.  The idea for this is like when rock and rap first gave it a shot, it was freaking groundbreaking.  Later, Run DMC would break ground for the first mainstream rap Christmas song.  Did you know that Death Row Records put out a Christmas album?  That is also a classic, including the beloved family hit “Santa Claus goes Straight to the Ghetto.”  Outstanding stuff.

1. All I Want for Christmas Is You, Mariah Carey
In the opening, I mentioned how artists still continue to make Christmas albums even though each song has been done 10,000 times, holding out hope for a chance that they make a splash with a new song or a different sound.  Mariah Carey’s “Merry Christmas” album is probably the best of all-time, and it’s without a doubt the best Christmas album of the last twenty years.  The signature track makes the top of I-Tunes every year even though it is 15 years old, and it’s without a doubt the best original Christmas song made this generation.  The best all-time may be up for discussion, but it’s my discretion.  On the random Christmas stations this year, there is some artist that re-made this song.  Why in the world would you re-make this song?  Who is going to top it?  On that note, enjoy your Christmas music this week and advanced apologies to those who finish in the top four in points and don’t make your fantasy playoffs.

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