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My Baseball Christmas List

Cliff Eastham@RedsToTheBoneSenior Writer IIDecember 1, 2009

What do I want for Christmas? A million bucks in small bills. I realize that is not going to show up under my tree, so let me think again.

Oh yeah, how about a baseball style wish list? Yes, that's it!

First, I would like to see Roy Halladay end up with the Cincinnati Reds this offseason. It probably won't happen, but I didn't think I was going to get that "Fanner 50" toy pistol when I was a kid, either.

Next, I think I would like to hear the great Randy Johnson say that the time has come to say, "Enough is enough." He has been my favorite pitcher since Tommy John, but I can't stand much more of the four-plus ERA and nearly as many losses as wins. He won his 300th and then some, so there is really nothing left to prove. He is second in the universe in strikeouts and nobody will ever catch him.

I would like to see Jim Thome sign with a team where he can DH regularly. He is now sitting at 564 lifetime home runs, and I feel like one good year would put into the 600 club, assuring him of a place in the Hall of Fame.

I would like to see the following players retire immediately: John Smoltz , Tom Glavine (I know he didn't play anywhere last season, but he hasn't officially hung retired yet), Ken Griffey, Jr. (I know he has already decided to stay, but that is a big mistake), Jason Giambi , Jamie Moyer , and Omar Vizquel (he just signed a deal with the White Sox, but I still want to see him go). These guys are ruining their statistics, not to mention their legacies, by hanging on.

I would like to see the Molina brothers learn acrobatics and call themselves the "Flyin' Molina Brothers." They could travel with a circus during the offseason.

I wish Evan Longoria would change his name to Evan Longoria-Parker.

I wish people would stop calling the Florida Marlins the "Fish." That sounds so degrading. It would be like calling a prestidigitator a "Magician."

I would like to see ALL sports announcers cease using the term "a buck sixty-five" or whatever for describing someone's anemic batting average or incredible earned run average. Please, just stop. It was cool 10 years ago, now let us find a new catchphrase and move on.

I am asking this way in advance, but I would like to see at least one 20-game winner next season. Just one, please.

I don't know who fulfills these wishes or what channels I need to go through, but they all seem like small requests to me. So, let's all wish real strong that the granter of Christmas wishes sees these and responds in a positive manner.

Cliff Eastham is a B/R Featured Columnist for the Cincinnati Reds

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