Dear Raptors: Please?

Hi there Toronto Raptors, crazed-Canadian fan here.

Listen, we've had our fair share of ups and downs (mainly downs) but I just wanted to write you a little note before this season begins and you are too busy what with all the travel, border officials and not rebounding.

Myself and all the other Raptor fans (and there are a lot of us) got together and have a special offer for you.

We all know Canada is a hockey-crazy country and Toronto is all about the Maple Leafs, but after much debate we've decided that if you guys can win the NBA Championship this year we will officially call the Leafs the "other" Toronto team.

Here's what we're thinking:

1. Chris Bosh might not stick around after this season, but if he wants a big contract he should put up some big numbers. Either that or "pull a Vince" and just give up.

2. Sure Hedo Turkoglu is old, slow and sucks on defense - but who needs defense anyways? We're MUCH much happier that our team is crippled financially (again) for years with an aging foreigner instead of finding tough, defensive-minded players. No really? What's that? Why am I gripping your hand so tight and gritting my teeth? Oops - sorry about that.

3. Our defense should be better though - after all we did just sign 6-time Defensive MVP of the League Reggie Evans. What's that, Evans has only averaged more than 7.5 RPG twice in 8 years and never won any Defensive awards? Oh...

4. So our roster doesn't have a lot of playoff experience - only Turkoglu has ever been to the Finals - who ever said experience pays off in the Playoffs? Oh, Coach Popovich and Jackson said that? What do they know?

5. Sure at least 4 other teams in the East have become tougher than last year when we couldn't even make the playoffs, but I mean dude, we now have Jarett Jack. Bam. Check: mate.

OK, so we'll admit this team isn't that deep and we have no idea who's guarding Shaq or LeBron when they play the Cavs, but look at how shitty the Leafs are right now.

You've never won a championship since coming into the league in the mid-90's. They haven't won a Stanley Cup since 1969. This means you guys inherently have less accumulated sucking. It's basic math really. There's never been a better time than now.

Do it for us. Do it for yourselves. Do it for a free lifetime supply of Tim Horton's. 

Give Toronto a Championship. Pretty please?