The NCAA's Worst :The Terrible Ten Of College Football

1] Illinois: [1-5]

Ron Zook is so resigned to his fate he seems relaxed.

Make no mistake Illinois, who scored their first TD against a FBS opponent since last November, are still utterly be terrible but Zook, at least, seems relaxed.

Actually he seems so relaxed it wouldn't be shocking to see him swing out onto like Captain Blood during his next Illinois massacre.

Why not what does he have to lose? Cook Zook? See if Captain Blood cares!

Crewman: [Captain Blood's ship has just received a terrible broadside from the one remaining French warship] We're sinking! What should we do?
Captain Blood:Do? We'll board a ship that's not sinking!

Or maybe Zook can just sing some Last Round Up after each game.

I'm head in' for the last round up
gonna saddle old Paint for the last time and ride
So long old pal
it's time your tears were dried
I'm head'n in' for the last round up
Git along
little dogie
git a long

git along
git along
little dogie
git along.
Git along
little dogie
git along

2] The O-MAC

[Ball State, Eastern Michigan, Miami of Ohio 0-20]

Much of the MAC is being whacked worse then Moe Greene on the massage table.

Akron, 1-5, at least has a shut out win against Captain Morgan State but the Bears might of been a bit rum dumb when the Zips zapped them.

3] Rice: [0-7]

Rice coach David Bailiff said his team was fragile this week.

Fragile? Their is no fragile in football.

What's the next step make his players sing along to Judy Collins at half time?

4] New Mexico [0-6]

Loco Lobo Coach Mike Locksley[1-0] is serving a one game suspension for Tom Cabling an ornery assistant with a Sonny Liston left.

Locksley and his left hook might head north to see old mentor Ron Zook at Illinois.

Zook and his old offensive coordinator are a combined [1-11] so why not party like a pirate what do ye have to lose?

Up that rigging, you monkeys! Aloft! There's no chains to hold you now. Break out those sails and watch them fill with the wind that's carrying us all to freedom!

5] Florida State: [2-4]

For Halloween fun the Florida State staff, students, fans, and faculty plan to fire Bobby Bowden and chase him around Tallahassee with torches.

For poor Bobby its come to this: Alone: bad. Friend: good!

Alas friends at Florida State seem few and far between for old Bobby.

6] Western Kentucky: [0-6]

The Hilltoppers, and mascot Big Red, were belted by Louie Layette last week.

But in happy Hilltopper news alum Joe Bugel might get the in-term Washington Redskin job and John Carpenter, another old Hilltopper, might make Halloween Fifteen and have Michael Myers save the Hilltoppers season.

Alas Big Red has to bite it, Michael Myers finds him more annoying then fighting Freddy Kruger in hell.

7] Sun Belted

[Arkie State, North Texas, International Florida Atlantic  4-18]

We gave the Belters a break and threw Western Kentucky and its 0-6 out because of Big Red but if the Hilltoppers are in the record goes to 4-24.

Maybe Michael Myers should take on the entire Sun Belt.

8] Washington State [1-5]

Which is worse the Cougars of Washington State or the new show Cougar Town on ABC?

9] Louacuse

[Syracuse and Louisville 4-8]

Is Jon Gruden going to save Louisville?

Is Syracuse going to get whacked, zip, zapped, by Akron from the MAC?

Can the Orange and the Red Birds ever bounce back in the Big East?

10] Hawaii [2-4]

The Warriors have not been the same team since they removed the rainbow from their name.

But sacked by the Idaho Vandals?  The Warriors ought to bring back the rainbows.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then - oh, why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I?