Rams-Jaguars Preview: St. Louis in No "Rush" to Win

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

Just when it appeared the Jaguars had turned their season around with two consecutive wins, they were humiliated 41-0 in Seattle, registering only 199 total yards.

"I hate to use the Lord's name in vain," says Jack Del Rio. "But we were God-awful in Seattle. I don't think I've ever uttered the phrase 'What the hell?!' so many times. But I'll be damned if I could tell you what happened to my team.

"Maybe it was the shock at seeing a captive audience. Qwest Field was packed.

"Speaking of a 'captive audience,' that may be the only way we can fill the house at Jacksonville Municipal Stadium—by the use of captivity."

For the Rams, much of the attention from their 0-5 start has been deflected by the news that conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh, along with St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts, is seeking to bid on Rams ownership.

The Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have chimed in on the matter and sent a letter to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell criticizing Limbaugh, and at least seven NFL players have publicly announced their opposition to Limbaugh's potential stake in the franchise

"Seven players that have refused to play for Limbaugh?" asks Steve Spagnuolo. "He's lucky. I've got about 55 that have refused to play for me.

"However, there hasn't been much opposition to Limbaugh in this locker room. I think the only real reaction came from linebacker James Laurinaitis, the offspring of one-half of legendary professional wrestling tag team the Road Warriors, who quizzically stated, 'What, a Rush?' when he heard of Limbaugh's intentions.

"But do we really need a Limbaugh/Sharpton/Jackson sideshow distracting this team? Of course we do. We need help scoring. Considering Limbaugh's past comments concerning Donovan McNabb, I think Rush would make a great 'offensive' coordinator.

"Now, it wouldn't be in Rush's best interests to question Sharpton's and Jackson's involvement by wondering aloud whether the two are 'brothers-up-in-arms.'"

The Jaguars are an enigma. Will the team that beat the Titans and Texans make a cameo, or will the team that laid an egg in Seattle make another unwanted appearance? Just like with their fans, it's all a matter of who shows up.

It's a Jaguar home game. They don't play the "Star-Spangled Banner" beforehand; they play the Scorpions' "Blackout."

Jacksonville wins, 23-20.