Mother's Day Roundtable: Being a Pro Athlete's Mom in the Social Media Age

Parenting in the social media age can be a struggle, and that pain is particularly acute if your child has millions of followers (and millions of dollars). For mothers of famous professional athletes, finding a balance between protective parental instincts and letting their children enjoy the benefits of their success has never been so challenging.

In honor of Mother’s Day on Sunday (you’re welcome for the reminder), we surveyed moms of four famous athletes in four separate professional leagues. The panel includes Annie Apple, mother of New York Giants cornerback Eli Apple; Joy Holmes-Harris, mother of Denver Nuggets guard Gary Harris; Diana Benedict, mother of Boston Red Sox right fielder Mookie Betts; and Angella Murry, mother of New York Liberty center Tina Charles.

Here’s what they had to say about online trolls, public recognition and watching their children achieve the rarest of dreams.

How does social media affect you? Do you pay attention to your mentions, or to your child’s?

Annie Apple (Eli Apple's mom): I don’t pay attention to Eli’s mentions at all. He’s 21. Most men that age want to do their own thing. My mentions—not too much. I’m more random. I share when I want to, and I tweet what I want.

You ignore a lot of stuff, especially during the season. That’s the part that’s really crazy—people telling you everything they think about your kid. I ignore that. 

I remember once when I made a stance on domestic violence. One person said, "Peter King [of Sports Illustrated] said this thing about you." I thought, "I’m 42, I haven’t once cared about what Peter King thought of me, and I’m not going to start now."

Diana Benedict (Mookie Betts' mom): I’m not as tech-savvy as probably a lot of parents. I don’t follow it nearly as closely. I hear more than I actually see. Sometimes I just consider the source. You can’t please everybody. Somebody is going to always have something to say. Sometimes it’s hard for me to draw the line and not comment. Most of the time I look at it and laugh.

Joy Holmes-Harris (Gary Harris' mom): Right now I do more Instagram than anything. And to be honest, Gary is pretty good with things that he posts. It’s kind of scary at times because anybody can have access to your son, whereas in the past, way back in my day before social media, pro athletes were just out there and untouchable.

That’s the scary part with social media. But like I said, Gary has been great with it. He takes all that with a grain of salt. With him being able to handle it responsibly, it makes it easier.

Angella Murry (Tina Charles' mom): No I don’t. Social media for me, I actually don’t pay much attention at all. A lot of things you say or post can be misconstrued. I do have an Instagram account, but I just follow Tina.

To be on it and watching is nerve-wracking—thank God I know she has a good head on her shoulders. It gives me confidence, even if she’s on social media. Me personally, I close my eyes to it. In America these days, it’s not something you can really do. For me, I’m fine with it. 

David Zalubowski/Associated Press

How do you balance your protective instincts as a parent with your child being a public figure?

Annie Apple (Eli Apple's mom): It’s a work in progress. When Eli left high school and went to Ohio State, it could have been overwhelming. A lot of parents come into big-time football just focusing on the kid.

I told myself, whatever Eli’s going to do or accomplish, it’s in God’s hands. My job is to make it enjoyable for his teammates and the families and the fans. And so we focused on other things, and I think we helped get the travel stipend for player families and other things.

If you focus on him so much, you’ll go crazy because you can’t control everything. What I’ve tried to do with all my kids is just remind them who they are. Is that decision getting you closer to where you want to go? At the end of the day it’s their choices, which is so hard when you’re so young and you have a couple of dollars. You hope everything you’ve taught them they use it. But you can’t let yourself lose too much sleep.

Diana Benedict (Mookie Betts' mom): It’s tough. A year or so ago there was a comment made—it may have been on Twitter or Facebook—and I tried to answer the question and help a person. It got to where there was going to be a confrontation. Some people you can never make understand.

That was my moment of understanding. That was the time for me to know that every response doesn’t require a response on my end. Sometimes you let it go, no matter what it was. I don’t know this person. They don’t know the truth. It’s just hearsay, what they’re basing their opinions on. I know the truth. So I’m not worried about it.

Joy Holmes-Harris (Gary Harris' mom): I’ve learned to not listen. Not to read any of it. My mother is bad with it. She has the NBA package and watches every single game. She’ll call me up and complain about commentators. I tell her not to listen. You’ve got to have thick skin. Everybody has an opinion about everything. We follow Gary and [the] games, and we take it in and we form our own opinions.

Sometimes it’s beyond your control, though. I remember a time back when Gary was in high school. He was best friends with Zak [Irvin], who was going to Michigan, and Michigan State and Michigan were about to play in a basketball game. They made a bet that, whichever team won, the loser had to wear the opposite shirt to school the next day. Well, Michigan State lost, so Gary had to put the Michigan shirt on.

Later, in his freshman year in college, just before they played Michigan, this picture resurfaced of him with a Michigan basketball shirt on. And people were just losing their minds and going after him. I just thought: How could you do that? People were telling him on social media that he needed to explain himself. I was like, ‘These people can’t be serious.’

I was upset for a moment. Gary was good about it. He said, ‘Mom, don’t even worry about it.’ I just kind of let it go. These were adults that were outraged.

Angella Murry (Tina Charles' mom): It’s not difficult for me because I’ve always been overprotective with Tina. That mother instinct will always be there. She’s not just my daughter—we are friends. There is a lot of advice that I give to her. I’m happy she still includes me in her daily stuff. She listens. It makes it easier for me.

I know the values I’ve instilled in her. I’ve seen it on display in her life. That protection I started out with, it’s still around her. I’m a praying mother. I pray a lot, and I believe my prayers are being answered. You’re going to be like that mother hen over them always. I’m happy she still doesn’t get upset when I’m overprotective.

Do you ever cringe at any of your child’s public statements or tweets?

Annie Apple (Eli Apple's mom): I think he cringes more often from the things I say. [Laughs.] Honestly, I don’t cringe. He’s a really nice person. He thinks he’s funny; he’s not quite funny, but he tries. For him, he’s pretty good at dealing with people.

David Dow/Getty Images

I think my favorite quality about Eli is that he doesn’t put a lot of stock in what people think of him. Privately, he does things that annoy me; but publicly, he’s good.

Diana Benedict (Mookie Betts' mom): I have to give credit to Mookie. Most of the time he thinks about what he’s going to say. He’ll call and ask if it’s OK. I don’t agree with everything he says, but I want him to be thoughtful.

I’ve always taught him to be thoughtful with all of his stances—you just have to justify what you believe in. And if you can back it up, then it doesn’t matter who agrees with you, even if it’s me who disagrees.

Joy Holmes-Harris (Gary Harris' mom): One time he did an interview after the game where he was wearing a bandana on his head. And I thought, ‘What was that about?’ But nothing that he has said has upset me that I can think of.

Angella Murry (Tina Charles' mom): Not often, because she’s very careful what she tweets out there. She did do something once, and I didn’t like it, but I can’t remember what it was right now. It wasn’t really a big deal, but I wish she didn’t say what she said. It wasn’t too long ago. But she gave me reasons and covered her ground, and for her it made sense.

Have there been benefits of your increased profile?

Annie Apple (Eli Apple's mom): There are tradeoffs. Now I can’t openly stalk Idris Elba on Twitter like I’d like to. People think I got the ESPN gig just because I’m his mother, but I worked in television as a writer and producer.

I think the biggest benefit is it’s nice that you get to meet interesting people. I think the key was to not change. I’m 42 years old—it’s too late to change. It would have been a problem for Eli if he saw me change. 

Diana Benedict (Mookie Betts' mom): If you wanna call it a benefit, a lot of people know your face. It could be a benefit and it could not be a benefit. I think it’s positive that they see Mookie as a positive role model. People will ask me about his upbringing, but how much I share depends on who’s asking.

Joy Holmes-Harris (Gary Harris' mom): Locally here, a lot of people know of Gary and that he’s from this area. They’ll point me out as his mom. But that’s about it.

Angella Murry (Tina Charles' mom): I personally like to keep things low-key. I like to be in the background. I work from behind the scenes.

On a personal level, there’s an internal gratification and a feeling of contentment that I’ve done a good job. And I’ve been privileged to go to certain events and travel to certain places. I’ve been able to see the world, which I’m so appreciative [of]. And you see Tina’s foundation [Hopey’s Heart] and her hard work pay off, and that’s a blessing.

I don’t have to worry about certain things. The kind of child that Tina is, she’s a very humble person. She doesn’t get too flashy. It keeps you humble also. I’m grateful she’s where she’s at.

Anything can go wrong, like an injury, so we appreciate life. The benefits are good. I’m not going to sit here and say it’s not. It is. I get to see her be fulfilled from the foundation and the joy of helping others. It makes you feel well-rounded. 

What was it like as you watched your child transition to the professional ranks, and were you ever worried about how they would handle the big payday?

Annie Apple (Eli Apple's mom): We didn’t discuss going pro until Eli decided. In the seventh grade, I have all my kids do [a] vision board. He took it seriously, and he has achieved most everything. It was a 10-step plan. You can’t control whether you go to the pros or not. You have to focus on the process, not the results. We didn’t put that pressure on him.

He eventually told us that he had always had a three-year plan, but we didn’t know that. He had made up his mind, and he had worked for it. 

As far as the money, he has a really great team of financial advisers. And he’s not a spender. He will make a dollar cry. We’re not concerned about that. But like all moms, I worry about my 21-year-old. You want to make sure he’s making the right choices with women. It can be rough. You just hope he makes good choices. 

Diana Benedict (Mookie Betts' mom): What we tried to do with Mookie was teach him that money doesn’t make you; you have to make the money. You have to go after what you’re striving for. We didn’t want his head to get big. You have to like what you’re doing. It shows in how you act. That’s what we always wanted to teach him.

I felt like, as he was going through the grind of the minor leagues, it would make him appreciate the majors more when he got there. It’s a grind coming up the ranks. We always encouraged him, but we couldn’t do the work for him. But he’s done the work, and that’s why he’s successful.

Joy Holmes-Harris (Gary Harris' mom): Initially it was terrifying. With him being so young—he was 19 when he got drafted—we talked about a lot of things as a family. Would he go out there by himself? Would we move with him? We all talked about it, and Gary has been mature and responsible. He said he thought he’d be OK.

I picked his place where he lived and made sure that it was very secure and a place I thought he’d be OK. I go out there once a month and spend a few days and make sure he’s doing well. I cook some meals and put them in the freezer. I wash and clean his clothes. He’s very responsible, so we don’t have to worry too much.

Angella Murry (Tina Charles' mom): In terms of her transition from college to pro, I honestly wasn’t worried. I know the foundation was laid from AAU to high school and college, and I knew her determination. I knew she wouldn’t settle for anything other than the best. I wasn’t surprised that she is where she is right now.

What is the best Mother’s Day gift your child has given you?

Annie Apple (Eli Apple's mom): I really enjoyed the gifts a lot when my kids were little and they make you something at school. Eli is not poetic at all, and he’s not emotional at all. When he was in elementary school, he made these Mother’s Day poems. He really tried. Those are the best gifts. The ones they hand-make. I still have those.

If you want to give your mom a gift, diamonds are great, but you should really make her something—we love that stuff. Like, roses are red, Giants are blue, mothers are great, I love you. See, I just wrote a great Mother’s Day card. I’m gonna sign Eli’s name on it and give it to myself. [Laughs.]

Kena Krutsinger/Getty Images

Diana Benedict (Mookie Betts' mom): He probably doesn’t even remember this. He may have been 10 years old—and I’m guessing that age—and he made a little school project. It was a little plate with a baseball on it made out of white beans and pinto beans. And beneath the baseball it said, “Mommy, I love you.” They gave it to me that morning at breakfast. And I still have that.

To me, Mother’s Day isn’t about expensive gifts. It was more about the heart. It was more personal. That meant more to me than him buying me anything.

Joy Holmes-Harris (Gary Harris' mom): Last year, he and his brothers got me a necklace with a beautiful medallion that was a white gold heart. And inside it had “Mom” on it. And I guess if I thought longer and harder I would think of some other things from when he was younger, but that necklace is beautiful.

Angella Murry (Tina Charles' mom): Oh my goodness. I think this goes back to college. She came home, and I wasn’t expecting her. I was talking to her on the phone right up till when I opened the front door. She was there with roses and chocolates. That was overwhelming for me, for her to make a four-hour drive to spend the day with me. It was really special.