Rio De Janeiro Crushes Madrid To Win Summer BidBowl XXX

Great Dane in the morning! It was not even close.

At Copenhagen's Bella Center, Rio de Janeiro sent out the hounds on the Buffalo Bills of the BidBowl, Team Madrid in a 66-32 clobbering to win the 2016 Summer Olympic Games.

"My God, that wasn't even close," said Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, president of Brazil and head coach of Rio. "We stepped into the Twilight Zone and pounded the stuffing out those Spaniards."

Quarterback Carlos Arthur Nuzman was flawless in dissecting the Madrid defense, whose coordinator brought the "Human Touch" formation in which they would not stop the speedy Rio receivers so as to knock them out until the 2014 World Cup.

"It was rough, because Japan is known for having some good football players," said a sweaty Nuzman. "But they haven't seen the likes of this. And neither did Madrid. We are the best bid football team in the world...at least until the bid for the city hosting after Sochi."

Offensively, Madrid was a mess. "This will be the last time I ever consider becoming an offensive coordinator for a bunch of Boy Scouts," Juan Antonio Samaranch grumbled before heading back to retire in his mansion in Spain. "I need my Viagra."

Chicago, meanwhile, had to rue the fact that its team got lost in the quarterfinals to Madrid, 28-18. There have been calls to sack the GM of the team, Richard M. Daley. Daley is scheduled to resign as GM of the team, sources tell b/r.

Chicago QB Pat Ryan was sacked 10 times and hurried 20 times by the voracious Brazilian defense, who saw him as a "piece of meat from a churrascaria, ready to be grilled and devoured.

"To use a sports metaphor," Ryan said, "‘we had a great team, we had a great plan but it wasn’t our day to win today. We fought a good fight, we had a good plan. That’s the way it goes.”

"To the people of Chicago, we apologize for not getting the job done," said head coach Barack Obama. "I also offer my resignation and turn by focus to putting the heat on Iran and Afghanistan, as well as other domestic issues this country faces. In sports, you can play a great game and still lose. And that's what we faced with tonight."

Tokyo lost in the semis to Madrid, 29-20 after getting a reprive from losing 26-22. "I would like to wish Rio de Janeiro every success for the 2016 Games and congratulate the bid team after kicking our butts today," said head coach Shintaro Ishihara. "I believe we did Japan proud and I thank more than 100 million supporters in our country who helped us strive for gold."

"They thought they were going to win the bid," said Chinese President Hu Jintao in the middle of the goose-stepping and trumpet-blaring at National Day in Beijing. "Hello, we hosted the Games last year. It was going to be a losing battle for you weeaboos in the first place."

A few banners in Old Town Chicago said, "It's all the [expletive]ing Billy Goat's fault, [expletive]it!" An 96-year old senior citizen tried to immolate himself, but was unsuccessful and was taken to a nearby mental institution.

Meanwhile, a impish-faced Peter Ueberroth could be seen grinning at Chi-town's demise in C-hagen. "Serves you right for stealing our thunder," he said with a diabolical laugh while watching the action and the handing of the trophy from IOC President/Commisioner Jacques Rogge.