Dear Awesome Eldin™: Rafa The Penguin Edition.

After spending some time on B/R I started receiving mail from celebrities asking for my advice on different topics, while I sadly did not receive these individual's names due to the seriousness of the issues addressed, I can however show their letters to the public.

The first half is the letter I've received, and the second is my reply to them.

Dear Awesome Eldin™

I am a sad, sad man.

My life is miserable, you see Senior Awesome™, while most people think that I'm sad because me and my team keep getting screwed, it is miserable for a very different reason.

It's my love life Senior Awesome™, I'm ashamed to admit this, but I'm actually terrible with the ladies, I honestly don't know why.

I'm a very good looking, smart, charismatic man, people tell me that I look a lot like the guy from 300, but I think I'm a little more attractive than he is.

In fact, why don't you tell me who you think is more attractive, me or him.

Anyways, I asked some of my players to give me some advice, Captain Fantastic just laughed at me and walked away, then I asked EL Nino, but he told me "I don't know, I go to sleep, and I wake up with 200 letters from women begging me to have their babies", why can't I get a letter from anyone?

They told me to treat women with passion, like I'm treating the ball, but they always end up slapping me and walk away, apparently, they don't like being kicked around.

I even tried Facebook, but all the women run away, apparently, no one believes that it's really me online.

What's the problem with me?

Is it my smell, the things I do, the flapping noise I make whenever I move?

Please help me Senior Awesome™, if anyone can help me with this terrible problem, it is you.

Now excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. *Flap* *flap* *flap* *flap*

muchas gracias

Rafa the penguin.

Dear Rafa the penguin

First of all, don't be so sad, you could've done worse, you could've been this guy.

About the pictures you've sent me, I actually thought they were a before and after type of pictures, I thought this is what Butler is gonna look like in 150 years.

...... Did you say 200 letters !?!

....... * Slams head into keyboard * ekbauoegbdjbovuqbogbbdmvzc.nkzsrgirwagbfnSLn.

And about that Facebook issue, I believe the main reason women end up running away is because they really think it's you, what kind of a 50 year old chubby Spanish man spends his time meeting girls on Facebook, that's the equivalent of a 60 year old French guy buying 16 year old kids.......err, moving on.

My advice to you is to stop talking about that bloody night in Istanbul and start focusing on the future, we get it, you were brilliant in Istanbul, you did the impossible, blah blah blah.

Now excuse me, I need to go and remove the b button that is currently stuck in my fore head.

Yours truly,

Awesome Eldin™.