Juwan Howard Is Awesome: Let Me Count the Ways

My comment on the entry announcing the Juwan Howard signing was no joke. That really was the best day of my life. Others have approved of the move as well, but they keep talking about Howard’s veteran leadership, world class work ethic, and all around professionalism.

That’s all well and good, but for me it’s just the icing on the cake. This was not simply a smart move, it was a totally awesome one. Let me count the ways, in easy to communicate countdown format!

Reason No. 5

This excerpt from his Wikipedia page detailing his time with the Bullets:

Together with Gheorgh Muresan, a 7'7" (231 centimetres) Romanian center, Calbert Cheaney, a swingman from Indiana University, veteran point guards Mark Price and Robert Pack as well as the promising rookie Rasheed Wallace, many saw the Bullets as a secure playoff lock.

Reason No. 4

He was in Hoop Dreams a little bit and that is a spectacular movie. (Pretty depressing though. I recommend you put in Heart of the Game immediately after it is over to restore a little of your faith in basketball.)

Reason No. 3

He was a member of the Fab Five. This is important because in the sixth grade, I read the book Mitch Albom wrote about the quintet. I did a book report and everything. I received a solid B, which is the perfect grade because your parents are happy and you don’t risk being ostracized by your peers for being a nerd. Fabulous indeed.

Reason No. 2

He owns Zach Randolph. Years ago, my Dad told me to watch Z-Bo attempt to guard Juwan Howard. It was hilarious. I was used to seeing Zach get exposed by more athletic opponents, but at that time in their respective careers I think Howard was one of the few players Randolph could beat in a pig n' Ford race. (Shout out to Tillamook, OR! Keep that cheese coming!)

As a general rule I support anything that makes Zach look foolish. (And yes, I understand that this is problematic because Zach is usually his own worst enemy. This means I have to support him and despise him simultaneously. It's tricky but I’m working on it.)

Reason No. 1

His goatee. Never in the history of this facial hair configuration has there been an individual so dedicated to preserving and promoting the goatee’s place in the world. That baby is always jet black with solid volume and perfect alignment. Would you expect any less from a man so awesome?

Now let us revel in a Howard highlight package featuring lay-ups and set shots, thanks to ScottyB! for the link.