Bill Bavasi’s Life "on the Line" Thanks to Seattle Mariners

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SEATTLE, WA - According to some higher-ups in the Mariners organization, Bill Bavasi’s lifeline is “in risk of being terminated.”

It’s become publicly known that after a series of bad managerial decisions, GM Bavasi’s professional career is at stake. However, according to a clan of Mariners druids who initially broke the story to Chatterbalks, there is more to be learned from the story.

Since becoming GM in 2003, Bavasi has signed Richie Sexson, Adrian Beltre, Jarrod Washburn, Rich Aurilia, Jeff Weaver, and Carl Everett. These signings make even the Dodgers look competent over the past few years.

During his tenure, Bavasi has upset nearly everyone having an association with the Mariners. The city of Seattle has attempted to pass city ordinances that ban Bavasi from going out in public (therefore restricting him to attend Mariners games), but Bavasi’s team of crack lawyers have weaved through any legal issues that have to do with Bavasi retaining his managerial position. The ragtag band of druids’ latest death threat is simply another obstacle for Bavasi to outmaneuver.

After demoting prospect Jeff Clement to the minors, the clan of Mariners druids put a stake on Bavasi’s life. “It was just too ridiculous,” said Mariners druid Don Kepettle, as he fiddled with Bavasi’s voodoo doll. “Like, is it possible to be that inept at the professional level? I thought the (Horacio) Ramirez deal (for Rafael Soriano) was bad, but this really takes the cake.”

“I’m not too worried,” yawned Bavasi, over a sushi dinner. “I’ve had death threats of all kind put on me. In fact, this sushi here is poisoned, but I’ve become immune. These pussy druids will have to live with the fact that I’ll be Mariners GM for a while to come.”

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