Report: Person Pooping in Holes at Norwegian Golf Course Still at LargeJuly 27, 2015
In late-breaking news from the dark world of golf-course poop capers, a Norwegian golf club continues its fight against a habitual cup-defacer who has used the course's holes as toilets.
According to a story published by Rogalands Avis' Frode Olsen (h/t Golf News Net), Stavanger Golf Club in Stavanger, Norway, has been beset by an unknown, pants-dropping menace for the last decade.
As the story goes, the club began finding feces in cups around the course in 2005. The bombing of said cups has since continued in earnest despite added security measures, including the installation of flood lights around some of the perpetrator's preferred greens.
Nothing definite is known about the monster behind these heinous movements, but there are some compelling theories.
"We know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman," groundskeeper Kenneth Tennfjord told Olsen.
Tennfjord added that toilet paper is also sometimes left behind. Course officials note that the offender only strikes during the work week and leaves bicycle tracks on sections of the course.
So we're clear: Someone has been pooping in the cups at this golf course since Kanye West's Late Registration dropped, and no one has been able to catch them, effectively making this person the Nightcrawler of cup-pooping—the Danny Ocean of links-logging.
If you have any information that could lead to the capture of this individual, please come forward. The golfers of Norway can't rest easy, knowing that after any given putt, they may reach in the hole and retrieve much more than their ball.
Dan is on Twitter. It's in the hole, and it's so gross.