Twitter Speculates on Louis van Gaal's 'Surprise' Signing

Throughout his career, Louis van Gaal has had a tempestuous relationship with the media, whom he often addresses with terse, unrevealing statements. During Manchester United's pre-season tour in the United States, however, the Dutchman let slip that the club might just be bringing in a "surprise" striker who had thus far escaped the attention of the media:

Following his side's 3-1 victory over the San Jose Earthquakes on Tuesday evening, Van Gaal readdressed his "surprise" statement but insisted it was not actually a striker the club were looking out for (as per the Guardian): 

Regardless of where the new mystery man plays on the field, the enigmatic transfer target has baffled the majority of Twitter users:

Like excited children trying to work out what is under the Christmas tree, Red Devils fans were quick to speculate. Players of varying quality and likelihood have been mooted:

"

Sneaky suspicion our "surprise" signing is going to be Zlatan Ibrahimovic!!

— B.T. (@TenFour_Over) July 21, 2015"

"

He said "surprise striker" - Benzema, Lewondowzki or Kane imo. Any other than those aren't so surprising.

— ♠ (@ScissorKickMata) July 21, 2015"

"

My prediction of what LvG's possible "surprise" is: De Gea leaves for cash + Benzema. We get Romero but no new CB. #MUFC

— Africa Ukoh (@Pensage) July 18, 2015"

One United fan even offered a reasonable hypothesis for Darren Bent's arrival at Old Trafford:

"

I hope United's surprise signing isn't someone like Darren Bent. Yeah it'd be a surprise, but so is finding your gf in bed with your brother

— The Drawty Devil (@TheDrawtyDevil) July 19, 2015"

On a slightly more serious note, a certain Portuguese man's name dominated the "surprise" chatter:  

The Ronaldo talk was exciting, but this kind of wishful thinking was soon brought back to earth with a thud:

"

When LVG says "Surprise" signing you do realise it's more likely he means Rickie Lambert than Ronaldo

— Mark Goldbridge (@markgoldbridge) July 21, 2015"

The consensus of the trolling masses is clear: If Van Gaal is truly interested in surprising everybody, there's only one man that Ed Woodward must track down:

After his incredible shootout heroics in Australia on Tuesday evening, many suspected Van Gaal's striker might be England's new No. 1 penalty taker: 

There was also a suggestion that the team could do with an injection of pace:

However, the Internet was won by this extremely logical and literal suggestion:

The mystery surrounding Van Gaal's secret squad addition remains, but it is abundantly clear that the Dutchman will have the financial means to make improvements—even if his sights are set on someone without a name.

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