If Davis Sold Shares of The Raiders To Tiger and Metallica

Author’s Note: This short story is entirely fictional.  I hope you enjoy.

It finally happened.  After reading Forbes’ report that his beloved Raiders were worth less than $800 million, Al Davis agreed to sell part of the team.  He had to, in his mind, to keep offering the high-priced contracts the Raiders are known for giving.  With a few more partners in ownership, Al could tap into their bankrolls and get a nice cash resource.  So who did he sell to?  Some very wealthy, very famous members of the Raider Nation. 

“He called and asked me if I would like to become part owner of the Raiders.  How could I say no?” commented golf legend Tiger Woods, after it was reported that he was a new part-owner of the Raiders.  In honor of being asked to join Raiders’ ownership, Woods bought Mr. Davis and the rest of the new owners brand-new golf carts in which to observe practices.  A man who truly knows the value of quality landscaping, Woods has already guaranteed that the Raiders’ field will be known as the best in sports.

Who would those other owners be?  One of the best-selling groups of all time, Raider Nation members Metallica.  James Hetfield, after speaking to the other members of the band, verbally committed to buying an undisclosed portion of the team.  Said Hetfield, “We’ve always been die-hard members of the Raider Nation.”  In 2002, when the Raiders won the AFC, we were there putting on a show for the tailgaters!  Well now, they’ll get the best halftime show in football!  We’re playing halftime at every home game!  Slayer has already contacted us about providing the pre-game show as well.”

When asked for comment, here is what Mr. Davis said about his new partners: “I’ve always been an innovator.  Michael Jordan owns part of the Charlotte Bobcats.  The who?  Tiger Woods now owns part of the greatest franchise in sports.  And as for musicians, Bon Jovi?  The Philadelphia Soul?  Are you kidding me?  Metallica and the Raiders, now THAT’S a partnership.  Nobody does it better than the Raiders.”

When asked for his opinion, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones stated “Davis may call himself an innovator, but my new big-screen is already the talk of the league!”